I would just like to make that perfectly clear from the beginning. This way we can avoid the whole, "What? You never said anything about a death match!" thing later when we split up (learned THAT one the hard way). It works best this way, trust me.
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I'm interested in meeting someone for coffee or a drink to see if we connect. If and when we make it to the third date, we will spend that date writing various suicide notes so that the eventual winner won't have to spend time in jail. I'm thinking something like, "I, (your name here) find myself so despondent over the loss of my relationship with (my name here), that I have decided to end it all by hitting myself in the face with a croquet mallet 30 or 40 times. No autopsy, please."
About me: I'm 31, SWF, 5'7", 140 lbs. Ex-Navy Seal, highly skilled in the ancient art of Aikido, and able to use any household object as a deadly weapon. Hobbies include watching movies, going to the beach and performing assassinations for the CIA in my spare time.
About you: 24-36, 98 lb weakling. Non-athletic, must get exhausted rising from couch. Smokers preferred (unfiltered, two-pack a day minimum).