Originally Posted: 2008-02-12 12:53pm

favorite this post Dear Roomies: Please stop f**king the hitchhikers. (Tahoe City)

Dear Roommates,

We live a wonderful life here in our little house in Tahoe. The location is great, the weather is wonderful, our neighbors rock. I realize that of the three of us, I am the only one in a comitted relationship, and I am fine with that. I will be moving out in the next few months, and you will have to find a third roommate. Before this happens, however, I wanted to make a suggestion that will make the new roommate's life a little easier.

Stop picking up hitchhikers, bringing them home, and fucking them all over the house.

Yeah, I know, kind of a petty demand. After all, you can't drive through town without seeing some hot little South American girl with her thumb out. And Tahoe is kind of lacking in the female department, so I see where you're coming from. But really, do you have to bring every girl you pick up home and have loud, house shaking sex with them? I admit you've both got it down to a science: Pick up hot Brazillian chick, show off the 10 words of Portugese you've learned, somehow coerce them into coming over and having sex with you, then drive them home and hope to never pick them up again. I admit, it's a pretty sweet life.

At first it was mildly entertaining to see what walked in the door. But after 3 month of constant porno sounds eminating from all corners of the house, it is starting to get on my nerves. I think what pushed me over the edge was the day I came home and found you two tag teaming some foreign chick in the living room, giving each other high fives over the top of her. I live in fear of bringing any of my friends over without doing some recon first. I should not have to call my house and ask if you're balls deep in some girls ass or if the coast is clear. None of this was disclosed when I signed the lease.

So please, I beg you to reconsider your actions for the sake of whomever replaces me. It's like living in a bad porno.

Your Roommate

ps. The next time you ask me to borrow a condom because you're out, there will be a $30 charge per rubber. It's the least you can do.

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