The title says it all – I am looking to give my husband away, and yes, he comes with a 2003 Audi A-4, 3/0, Midnight blue w/ tan interior and teak trim, sunroof, and 6 CD changer. How can you beat that deal – free! To sweeten the deal, I’ll even throw in a 42” Flat screen TV, only a few months old, and the best watch dog on the planet.
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My husband is a great catch for the right woman. He is hard working, and totally devoted to furthering his already successful career. He has the most beautiful blue eyes, and thick dark hair. He is a really great guy, not to mention his car is awesome, so I want to make sure he goes to a good home.
To insure that he is claimed by the right woman – because there is a NO Return Policy -there are a few requirements that must be met:
1) You must either cook, or enjoy Bojangle’s and cereal a lot. He is able to cook, but simply refuses, and will blame his busy schedule for the lack of effort.
2) He makes a good living, and I promise not to ask for much, but he does have a teenage daughter who you will have to battle for his cash.
3) You must have a large amount of self-confidence. Otherwise you may find yourself becoming jealous of his computer and Blackberry. But don’t worry, he won’t bring them into the bedroom, so the sooner you get him in there, the better off you’ll be. A little hint as to how to do this easier, is to have a sporting event playing on the TV at the foot of the bed.
4) You must like dogs! As he will have the greatest watch dog on the planet on tow. This is the best dog – you will never have to worry about those pesky door-to-door salesmen. However, I urge you to take some of my husband’s money and purchase a steam-cleaner.
5) You must be emotionally independent and able to read minds. He does not feel it is his responsibility to provide any emotional support, or share his feelings or thoughts, in addition to providing a paycheck.
However, I must say that for the right woman who does meet the criteria, the sex will be awesome! He is very talented with what I can only describe as God given gifts. He has a special gift, he calls “The Boob Thing” and it is mind blowing. It is the type of thing that he could make a fortune with, if he charged a fee. If more women knew of this man’s talents I wouldn’t have to be doing this – women would be chasing him, and men would offer gifts of appreciation for lessons.
So, there it is – a husband, an Audi, a 42” Flat screen TV (only slightly used), the greatest watchdog on the planet, and tremendous sexual satisfaction – all for FREE!
Please respond if interested. If not, I’ll see what else I have around the house to throw in.