I am done and I thought I should let all of you men who wrote to me know.
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•To the fireman with the dick/jeans picture, thanks, I’m not interested. Nothing against your dick. But, no.
•To the musician/poet/patchouli worshipper, please take a shower, then we might be able to talk. On the phone.
•To the CU guy with that likes football and keggers, and whose language consists of primarily the phrases ‘it was wild’, and ‘dude’ i.e. ‘Dude, it was wild.’ OR ‘It was wild, duuuuude.’ Are you kidding me?
•To the salesman guy that re-quoted everything I said, please get your own sense of humor, and then use it. No to you.
•To the attractive tall guy who I went out with, I don’t know what you do for a living, I’m sure as hell you don’t know what I do for a living. But I do know all along you were just looking to see if you could get in my pants that night. I’m not that kind of girl, so please go suck on someone else on a first date.
•To the skinny ashen-faced computer geek who wrote about his D&D games. Oh fuck I don’t even want to waste the space on you.
•To the guys who have ads on Craig’s List, and on Westword, and on Match.com, and on Lavalife. Three-parter here: 1) Do you see the problem? 2) You’re not going to even write me a personal message? Just “direct” me to your OTHER means of chick-bagging? Sick. 3) You reference places that are out of business. Your ads have been up for over a year. Please change them up a bit, you’re pathetic. Not a chance. By the way, that picture is of you 5 years ago, and it’s really tacky to see you with your arms around another woman.
•To the sincerely sweet and tenderhearted short man with the stutter and awkward social skills. I’m sorry. I just can’t.
•To the metrosexual well-dressed Aquarian who was 2 hours late because your priority was to get a replacement cartridge for your lint-roller that had filled up. Oh my God. What the fuck have I ever done to deserve this?
•To the architect (intern) with the deprecating remarks about, well, basically everything. I can call my mother for that. So, no.
•To the guy with the kidney problem and nice family, if you talked about anything besides your kidneys and hospitals, maybe. Sorry about that and everything, but no.
•To the manic-depressive late 30’s man in between jobs, you seemed like a great catch, but, no.
•To the self-described antisocial genius. Obviously you don’t need me.
•To the guys who responded to my “your picture gets mine” post without a picture. I must assume you are trying to win me over with your overwhelming personality, but when all you write is “send pic”, there’s not much interest on this end. Why did you even bother?
•Speaking of ‘pic’, to the guys who are too lazy to type out ‘-ture’, to those who can’t spell, or those who use abbreviations to disguise the fact that they can’t spell, No. You will never challenge me in a game of Boggle. And we all know that matters.
•To the whiners who complain that I am dating too many men at once. Get over it, you can see the ones on skulking around Craig’s List are not exactly “competition.”
•There was one guy, though. I ruined everything. So I am done.
this is in or around cute, sexy and frustrated