Sorry for yet another CL post to a "J", but I just had to and this is my first one, so back off folks. I mean that with all the kindness I can muster in my current state of total sexual frustration, due to "J".
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J, I can't explain why I can't resist you, but holy fuck, I must have you. Alot. Like over and over until we are both sore and then a few more times, please. Honestly, I have tried to think about you in a purely platonic way, but to no avail. I try to think about you in professional situations, like if you had to give a presentation at work. Still wanna do ya. I think about you in boring, daily, situations, like you waiting on line at the bank. Would love to screw you there too. How about if you were sick, all stuffy and grouchy? Oh, I would take really good care of you then!
Basically, my lust for you is now at near epic proportions. When we talk or email, I will probably attempt to pretend like it is no big deal, because you are not here, my vibrator is showing serious signs of wear and tear, and I am still trying to cling to a very thin thread of dignity and composure. I may seem fine, but my panties are wet. When I do see you, I will try to act like a civilized human being. I think that is what you want, but it is hard to say because I can't think straight when you talk to me because all I want to do is ravage you. All I hear is "Wha, wha, wha, wha, wha". You look great when you are saying whatever it is though. Totally hot.
If you do not want to go on a very intense sexual exploration with me every time I see you, then please remember the following:
1. Do not make direct eye contact with me.
2. Do not smile.
3. Do not glance in my direction,then look down at the ground,even when you think I am not looking. Trust me, I've got my eyes on you.
4. Do not laugh at my jokes.
5. Do not be helpful or thoughtful.
6. Do not lick or bite your lips.
7. Do not walk quickly past me or stand close to me so that I can smell you.
8. Do not look "rumpled sexy" or "put together hot".
9. Do not eat or drink anything. I think about oral then.
10. Do not make any sounds that could be construed as sexual in any way. This means no sighing, gasping, moaning, whispering, "mmmmmm..."ing or "hmmmm..."ing. Actually, talking at all is bad because the sound of your voice gets me off.
11. Do not ever, EVER touch me. Not even with a fingertip.
I guess that about wraps it up. I'm glad were friends. Can we fuck now?