Originally Posted: 2010-01-26 11:10

To the Misinformed Animal Rights Activist Who “Liberated” My Chickens

Dear Madam or Sir,

Due to a long string of events surrounding the protest of a backyard poultry processing class to be held at my house (using old egg-laying hens from a local organic farm), you have decided it would be in the best interests of MY egg-laying hens to “liberate” them, i.e. steal them from my yard in the middle of the night. What worries me is not so much the trespassing, theft, harassment and dissemination of my private information (such as my home address) to the public, but is the complete misguided step you have taken to ensure I cannot care for my pets anymore. You have stolen my egg-laying hens, which I have raised from wee chicks, and relocated them to God-knows-where.

There are two options here: you traumatized and killed my hens by setting them “free” in the wilderness, or, you hypocritically passed them on to someone else to enjoy the egg laying benefits.

Let’s start with number 1: You took my four hens from my yard last night to set them free in their “natural environment” away from evil egg-eaters such as myself. They will die because they are domesticated animals and have no ability to fight for themselves. A raccoon will shred the chickens faster than you can beat your vegan meat. Great job, there, animal-lover. Was your plan to provide a nutritious meal to the scavenging raccoon population of Portland?

Or, shall we go with number 2: You re-located my pets to some other house where the owners do not know the history of the chickens or have paid the love and attention I have given them for the past 2 years, i.e. raising them from chicks. You are a hypocrite for furthering a lifestyle that allows people to own domesticated livestock. Great job. Although chickens are not the smartest creatures of the animal kingdom, you can be assured they were still traumatized by your kidnapping and relocation process.

What did you expect to accomplish, radical Portland animal rights activist? Did you think you would earn some cred with the Portland Animal Defense League who gave out all my roommate’s (and therefore my) private information on the internet? Did you want to thoroughly upset and sadden a chicken-owner trying to raise her own eggs instead of resorting to buying nameless farm factory eggs and supporting large corporations? If so, then let’s give you a pat on the back for your great success! I guess I will be buying my eggs from the store now and will look out into my backyard where my loving chickens once stood and wonder where to put my tasty vegetable scraps. Your asshole would be the next best location.



P.S. Return my chickens you ignorant fool. You bring a bad name to all activism.

  • Location: Woodstock
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