Originally Posted: 2008-06-04 21:35 (no longer live)

An Open Letter to the Brokers of New York City

Dear Brokers,

I am currently working with FIVE of you to find a decent studio in the city. I’d like to think that from my several weeks of experience that I have a pretty good idea of how you operate and quite frankly, I AM FED UP!

I thought I’d compile a list of your flaws (and yes, I will make a generalization) and some very constructive criticism that you should take into account.

1. Stop talking so goddamned fast! You’re not a used car salesman and talking quickly doesn’t make me want the apartment more! Oh my GOD, it’s going, going GONE! Holy shit! We have to LIVE in these apartments, so it’s not a decision that should be rushed by any means!

2. Stop pressuring me to take an apartment I can’t afford! I told you what my MAXIMUM budget is – and let’s be honest, even THAT is pushing it. Why would you have the audacity to show me an apartment that is $250 more a month when you know I can’t afford it? And in addition to that, Stop acting like you don’t know how much it costs to live here! New York City is the most expensive city in the world. I probably make more money than you do, so why wouldn’t you understand that I have a strict budget to follow?

3. Have more consideration for my time! I have a job – I can’t just stop by to see you at your office (where you will inevitably do your best to rip me off) and dick around any old time. If you arrange to meet me somewhere at a specific time, you’d better be there!

4. 72nd Street and 1st Avenue is NOT “baby steps” to the subway! There’s nothing wrong with living on 1st Avenue, but it is by no means a “hop, skip and a jump” to the subway. Stop acting like it is!

5. False advertising is illegal! I responded to an ad for a studio that was $1399 and was “Currently going under complete gut renovation!” I saw the studio and it was nowhere near in the renovation process. On top of that, the broker told me that the rent would go up to $1550 if the owner did decide to renovate it. (Let’s note that he told me this AFTER I told him that $1550 was my maximum monthly rent).

6. Learn to spell, read, write, speak English, etc.! I don’t plan on working with someone who doesn’t know how to spell or speak 2nd grade-level English. Enough said. On a related note, most of you just aren't that smart! So don't think that you can out-smart me, pull a fast one on me, or change your story several times without me catching on!

Ok, I think that I’ve let out a little bit of my frustrations of the apartment hunting process. Brokers, it’s hard enough trying to find a place in this city. It would be nice to meet someone who actually did something to deserve the ASTRONMICAL and OUTRAGEOUS broker’s fees that you charge. It would be nice to have someone actually LISTEN to me when I tell them what my needs are. It would be nice to have someone who doesn’t talk a mile a minute and act like a complete scumbag.

I hope this posting helps you out and opens your eyes a little bit. I look forward to all of your poorly-worded responses!!

A Frustrated Apartment Hunter

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