I Dun Like Seeing Your Feet

I remain steadfast in my opinion re: sandals and flip flops on men -- it's a heinous attack on the public orbs, akin to shitting in an elevator that the entire world is riding in. To unleash your hairy misshapen feet for the sake of comfort (they're not even that comfortable) is so selfish, it's criminal.

Exhibit A

Would you date him? Would you befriend him? Would you please euthanize him?

Exhibit B

Why bother? Why bother with the gladiator straps? Just glue a rubber sole to your feet, you disgusting gnome.

Exhibit C

I was going to let him slide just because those sandals are interesting enough to be cool. Then I realized those feet belonged to a white guy and those aren't white guy sandals. For that he gets both testicles removed for parading around in sandals he bought while on a wife-hunting trip to Burma.

Exhibit D

I rest my case, I can't do this anymore.

I taste vomit in my mouth.