Remember that Seinfeld episode where George decides to do the opposite of all of his instincts, and it lands him a job and a date and lots of other great stuff? Well, I thought I'd try that here. So here goes:
I am 23, still in college (I still have at least 2 years left), and unemployed
I am unemployed not because I am unemployable, but simply because I am lazy
Sometimes I sleep until 5pm
Sometimes I am in therapy (but usually I'm not because I don't feel like waking up to make it to the 1pm appointment)
I take anti-depressants
I am very smart, but, as stated above, very lazy
I have fake boobs
I have slept with many, many men
I drink a lot and smoke a lot of cigarettes
I am (once again) lazy and because of this I am poor and have lots of debt and can't pay my bills and would happily use someone who would pay my bills for me
My apartment is a mess (it shouldn't be, it's not as if I work)
Sometimes I lie (but not now!)
I have recurring, realistic dreams and fantasies about brutally murdering my ex-roommate
I am indeed very attractive, but, like I said, I have fake tits, many notches in my bedpost, and, one more time, I am laaazy
I hate working out (luckily you cannot yet tell)
I really don't love giving head (I will do it but I won't swallow)
I am flaky and I sometimes stand people up and don't call people back
If we were to have sex, I would rather have you stick my head in the toilet and flush than having you stick anything in or near my ass
BUT:
I am nice
I have fake tits
Sometimes I'm funny
I have a great ass
I am a very good cook
So, if you want to give me money, or give me a job that I don't always have to show up to, or even if you would just beat the ever loving shit out out my ex-roommate for me, drop me a line, maybe I'll get back to you