Originally Posted: 2009-11-04 9:32pm
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favorite this post Homophobia is HOT! - w4m hide this posting unhide

You: Two guys in your 30s, both wearing gray pinstriped suits. Possibly lawyers based on your conversation.

Me: Woman in my 30s, also wearing professional dress.

Scene: A New Haven line MetroNorth train this morning.

Action: I enter a crowded train. The only seats available are the middle sections of the three-seaters. I walk to the end of the car and say politely, “May I sit there?” Guy #1 immediately moves over into the middle seat to continue his conversation with Guy #2.

The problem: I realize when I go to sit down that Guy #1 hasn’t actually moved all the way into the middle seat. He is still about 6” away from Guy #2. This means I have to squeeze into 3/4 of a seat. I try not to breathe too deeply. It’s a good thing I don’t have a newspaper to open or I’d accidentally smash Guy #1 in the face while turning the page. But I keep my elbows to my sides and scroll through emails. Occasionally I shift but Guy #1 doesn’t budge. I resolve to go to Bikram yoga more often. You know, to lose all that water weight that's bulking me up.

My realization: You were clearly concerned about allowing your thighs and shoulders to touch those of your friend. This is wise and I was being insensitive. A straight man should NEVER allow himself to have fully clothed, completely public, non-sexual body-on-body contact with a same-sex friend. Everyone knows that gayness is more communicable than swine flu.

My proposal: Let’s have a threesome. Email me and we’ll get it on.

  • Location: Fairfield County, CT
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