Originally Posted: 2003-07-17 16:55

favorite this post An open letter to the perverts

Listen, I've spent many a long day on Craigslist reading the posts, and I admit that I've found many of them useful. But earlier today, I decided that I was in the mood for some kinky sex. Now, I know ugly naked guy usually posts in this forum, but I decided to go and post in CE just to see, you know, if anyone would come up with anything. I had a very simple post that said I wanted a group of guys to do something perverted to me, and that as long as they don't kill me, we could talk. Best response gets an email, time and place from me.

So what did you people come up with? Well, a bunch of you wanted to take me out for a nice date. Thanks, but I asked for sex. Has it been so long that someone asked you for just sex that you really think I want to talk to you and eat with you? Sheer nonsense.

Then I started getting some slightly kinkier responses... people who want to have outdoor sex. Oh, wait, that's not kinky! I've been doing that since High School. If you haven't figured it out from what I'm asking for, I'm a whore and I don't feel like spending time teaching you. Besides, I said I wanted a group of you. Oh, and don't give me your cell phone and ask me to call you. I'm not interested in putting that much effort into this.

Then there are the responses where people offered to tie me up, shower me, cover me in fudge, etc. And these responders said that there would be a few of them (three, four people), one of them (the best of the lot so far) threw a girl into the mix (definite plus). But, people, think!!!! Tying me up? That's not perverted! I wanted perverts! People who pee and poop and do nasty stuff with farm animals! Someone who would worship my feet for having giant callouses! Not people who like tying me up and gang-banging me. You people are all strictly PG-13.

Finally, there's the people who write me and tell me that my seed should be wiped from the earth. Well, duh. Next, you should write a dissertation on why people who hate Howard Stern listen to him more than people who like him.

So, please, fellow CLers, this is just like applying for a job: don't give me your resume unless you're actually qualified.

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