Originally Posted: 2003-04-11 10:39
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Craigslist -- Baghdad

To the woman in the red veil I shot in the shoulder. Sorry, babe, but I had to get you out of the way to deliver a killshot to the guy standing behind you. Hope I didn’t hurt you too bad. Maybe I could buy you a drink someday.

You were standing next to me when they toppled the statue of Saddam. You gave the head of Saddam a couple of hard swats before the mob swallowed us. I have your shoe. Email me if you want it.

To the Saddam look-alike who was all conflicted about shaving off your moustache in the barbershop. I say there is no dishonor in shaving it off. Who knows, shave it off and lose some weight, and I bet you could pass for Dan Rather.

To the woman with the mole on her chin who gave me a look as I was coming out of Uday’s place carrying the half-naked torso. In all that craziness, I guess I didn’t realize I had both my hands on her breasts. Was that a smile you gave me? We should hook up.

So dark and rich and beautiful. And you burn so bright. You have brought us immeasurable riches, and untold misery. Now you are threatening our planet outright. Oil, I wish they had never discovered you beneath our beloved land.

To the gunnery sergeant from the third division. With the A-10’s and the tomahawks and the F-16s screeching by overhead, I guess I got a little carried away with you in the back of the Bradley. But I DO have a husband. If you try to corner me in the supply tent again, you’d better be careful I don’t friendly fire your ass.


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