My girlfriend looked up at me last night and asked what had changed.
Nothing, as far as I could tell. But she told me that I was more reserved. She admitted that the reckless romance that had won her heart didn't seem quite so fresh any more, as if I was going off her.
Maybe I was. I'd been alone for my entire life and as much as I hungered to be with somebody, my dignity and pride prevented me from taking any risks. She's been acting crazy recently, stressed, self destructive, and it scared me.
But I decided that I should go for it. Because special things and special people don't come along all that often and they shouldn't be taken lightly.
But these questions brought back memories of a girl I'd met on Craigslist, and the bittersweet memories of a love affair that I will cherish forever.
She was smart and beautiful and had a body like a panther. We met in a midtown bar and drank cocktails, listening to moody music that reminded me of Paris.
I thought, still think, that she was amazing. Confident, smart, attractive. She drank as if she enjoyed it and when we shared a big steak dinner i knew she was special. For some reason, the fact that this slim, lythe creature ate like a man really made me fall for her.
Then we spent the night together.
For a few weeks afterwards, I'd come to the city and see her at her apartment. We'd watch TV and drink wine and make love. She excited me, confused me. There was something about her that reminded me of a cat. She was sharing her time with me, but I knew that the clock was ticking.
One day she told me she just wanted to be friends. And afterwards we made love. But as I left her apartment, with dishevelled hair and that morning-after taste in my mouth, I knew it was for the last time.
I wrote her a poem and that was pretty much the last I heard of her.
But in some ways that's perfect. I'll never fight with her. I'll never be jealous of her new lovers. She will always be perfect to me, and I will always be in love with the memories of the time I spent with her.
Now I'm with somebody who is very different, whom I've fallen for in a totally different way. And while this is new and exciting and unfolding in new directions, a part of my heart will always belong to that girl.
So, anyway, for all the nightmares and frustrations people have on craigslist, here's a story of something that really made me believe in it.