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Originally Posted: 2007-08-28 19:43


I found your glasses yesterday as my partner and I started to set up camp for the night. The campground is at the edge of the Klamath River, about 3 miles past the Spring Island day use area down a rocky, you'd-better-have-4WD type of road.
It was the first thing I noticed as I carried our kitchen box to the old picnic table, a black glasses case under the bench. I pulled them out, noticing that they were prescription and that there was some schwag weed crumbles in the bottom of the polyester sleeve style case.
The next thing I noticed is that you and your buddies are a bunch of idiots. The evidence I have for this is the trash you had scattered far and wide all over the campsite. Beer cans (shitty beer, too) in the fire pit, broken bottles outside the fire pit, fastfood soda lids smouldering in the firepit, styrofoam tray from the bottom of your grocerystore meat, cigarette plastic wrap, even your fucking toilet paper wads ON TOP OF THE GROUND not 20 feet from the site. Also, several shotgun shells in a clearly marked NO SHOOTING area, and fishhooks on the bench at the table. ON THE BENCH. You're either more stupid than any camper/hunter/fisherperson I've ever met, or you have a sadistic aspect to your personality that should be medicated.
I thought about who this person missing his (they clearly belonged to a man) glasses must be. You are obviously someone who goes the extra mile to find that pristine camping spot. Three extra miles, in fact, beyond the day use area, beyond the power plant on the Klamath River. The type of spot that you don't find by accident. You have to know where this spot is to find it since the road does not go through 'to' anywhere else, it is not marked at the spot that you must turn off the highway to get to, and you have to go through an old metal road-blocking gate to get there. This spot is a prize, in that bend in the river just before the shallows. You are clearly a connoisseur of campsites.
You are also a total piece of shit. I am all for hunting, fishing, and camping. I love pristine areas where you are all alone in the middle of nature. Because I am of this persuasion, I do all I can to LEAVE NO TRACE so that others who feel as I do and share my love of the great outdoors can come after me and enjoy nature as nature intended. You, who clearly consider yourself an outdoorsman, are in truth a garbage spewing userous shitheel. Because I am a hunter and fisher, I fucking preserve the area so that game will continue to prosper, not dump my broken glass, burn toxic plastics, leave my shit tickets blowing in the wind 20 feet from both the site and the river. You are the one who should be hunted, assmunch.
So, after cleaning up your garbage, burying your shit and wipes, removing your fiskhooks from the benches, and returning the site to the condition I would like to find it in, I thought I would post this lost-and-found and tell you where to reclaim your glasses.
I hung them from the tree at the campsite. I thought that any asshole who would drive an hour-and-a-half round trip to fuck up what he purports to love wouldn't mind making the trip a second time to reclaim his vision.

post id: 408619110