Originally Posted: 2005-08-26 14:34 (no longer live)

Wisconsin - Forward!

Can you coasties post something funny or enlightening and stop ripping on Wisconsin? Let me just throw down some ground rules for future Wisconsin haters:

1) Don't mention New Yawk--it is one of the world's biggest city, the comparison makes no sense

2) If you live in a SUBURB, do not post at all. Coming from a suburb of Chicago (or New Yawk) does not make you a urban sophisticate, it makes you a yuppy

3) Don't rip on our style. I've seen you in your black North Face, black hollywood hangover glasses, and black pants. That's not style. That's wearing what is expensive and what everyone else is wearing. It requires no creativity, work, or personality. You are the same people who buy art that requires no skill because some schill in a beret told you it deep and meaningful.

4) Don't call us too polite or too reserved. You are so educated and urban, yet you will commit that age old academic fallacy of stereotyping? Ummm...yeah. I know it might blow your mind, but I've met lots of Wisconsinites who are outgoing, sometimes too much so. Maybe we just don't like talking to assholes...

5) Don't complain about our winters. Surprise, surprise, surprise, it's cold in the winter in Wisconsin. Who knew? Honestly, don't be such a pussy. Find something to do in the winter. Maybe you could try drinking (we have) Besides, it just makes spring that much better.

6) Don't rip on the Packers. Yes, we like the Packers and we love Brett Favre. Would you even have ever heard of Green Bay if it wasn't for the Packers? A team owned by the city, that can't move, and if they are sold the profits go to the local VFW? Sweet. So sweet. Brett won us the Super Bowl and is one of the toughest SOBs alive, nuff said.

7) Don't complain about our drinking habits. It's called binge drinking, we like it, and we don't plan on changing any time soon. PACE is just a prank the University is playing on freshmen parents, ignore it.

8) Don't talk politics. Are we getting more red? Maybe,but only because liberals these days are fucking idiots. We are progressives, not rednecks, or fanatics. That means we don't mind taxes because, it makes our state a nice place to live, we work hard, and we believe in helping people who are struggling. We are not racists, homophobes, or gun nuts. Al Franken is an unfunny fucking moron. I know that is off topic, I just had to get it off my chest. Sorry.

9) Don't self-hate. I will find you and release a pissed off badger in your room while your sleep. Seriously, have some pride in your state you fucking dolt.

10) Say at least one nice thing. Hey, we can't be all bad, right?

And with that I'll say: Welcome to Wisconsin. We want you here. Travel around, see what we've got to offer. That is how a truly intelligent person does things. If your nice to us we might even take you hunting, fishing, hiking, kessler-drinking, or to a Packers game (really nice to us for that one). Because deep down, we are nice and we like meeting new people, even pompous coasties.

Wisconsinites Everywhere

p.s. give up on the sconnie thing, it's just not cool anymore

post id: 93592096