Originally Posted: 2004-11-26 23:02 (no longer live)

Rant: What's up with the parade of cocks?

What the fuck is up with the parade of cocks on this website. It's almost a guarantee that if you click on anything with the "pic" icon that some gnarly, hairy, veiny cock is going to spring up in your face. It's like a fucked-up digitally obscene version of a jack-in-the-box. It scares the shit out of me every time. "Pop goes the mother-fucking weasel"

Has anyone ever had any success with this technique of posting your cock to the web? I'm still thinking it's probably a little too anonymous to score a date with just a snapshot of your dick. Most women strike me as being concerned with a little more than that if they are going to meet you for sex--after all they probably don't want to walk in on the acne-ridden Grand Sorcerer of the local D&D tournament--even if he is hung like a bear.

Even worse than a potentially squidly face attached to some three-legged freak is the fact that it just seems so serial killer to be doing this. They'll probably add it to the list; harms animals, check. Surreptitiously harasses women, check. Photographs cock next to a provolone and posts to Craig's, check. It's fucking scary. What makes anybody think this is a good idea?

Even more comical is a dude that's trying to pick up women posting a picture of him shooting cum into another woman's mouth or onto another woman's stomach. Most women wouldn't even consider dating a dude that would post a picture with his arm around another women, much less some dude only willing to show his anonymous cock shooting man-yogurt all over some other chick's tattooed ass. You're a hopeless romantic, Romeo. Good luck jerking yourself to sleep tonight, and every other night, for the rest of your miserable life--you mongoloid idiot!

I also like the fact that the more bizarre and obscene the size of the schlong the more likely they are to include common household items to help the viewer determine the size and girth on comparative scale. NEWSFLASH when you photograph your cock next to a can of Budweiser it forever brands Budweiser in my mind as something I never want to go near again. Please don’t do this as you are now narrowing my purchasing patterns.

This could turn into a potential industry where advertisers pay the cocksmen of CL top dollar to photograph their ugly peckers adjacent to their competitor's products. I could see American Express picking up some cock photography and turning the balls red and orange to turn people away from MasterCard forever. Or I could envision Verizon hiring five cocks (of varying sizes) and arranging them neatly to look like the AT&T wireless coverage bars all stacked up. Or better yet Reebok can hire somebody with a twisted schween, photograph it on a stark, monochromatic background and emblazon it with a Nike logo and the "just fuck it" tagline. A billion dollar industry built on the postings of this fucked up website (which I love so much--sorry Craig)

We could even go a step further. We could print off thousands of pages of these scary monster cocks and drop them into Fallujah. I'm sure the Iraqis will be cackling so hard that by the time the allied forces invade their city they'll just drop their weapons, point at the invading forces crotches, and burst their appendix with laughter.

General: "Was the offensive a success"
Captain: "Sir, yes sir! Operation Desert Kielbasa was a huge success--a strategic coup worthy of historical study for decades to come at West Point and Annapolis. To call it an offensive is an understatement, Sir!"

All I'm saying is that this needs to stop. This fucking site has more wood than an industrial arts class. Leave your pecker in your pants and off my fucking computer screen. Guys that photograph their cocks and post them for all the world to see are pretty clearly regarded to be the types of guys that couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a fist full of hundred dollar bills. Your cocks speak volumes.

On a final note; as for the gratuitous "rate my boobs" postings...well, those are just fine. We need a lot more of that going on around here.

Thank you and goodnight

this is in or around Mission Viejo

post id: 50302587