Okay falkers... I went out last night... had too much to drink yada yada so I spent the night somewhere other than my home.
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So on my drive home to shower up and get ready for some lame ass meeting where I have to listen to these tools go "on and on" I realize I am out of COFFEE.
I typically go to whole foods but have driven past there so I'm stuck buying Starsmucks over priced coffee beans. DAMN all the Starbucks I pass have at least 15 to 25 cars in line. I give up, go into the one on Memorial (no drive thru but its close to my house). I have to park and go inside....
OKAY, Let my explain what I am wearing... I went to Guave Lamp for Karakoe (sp?) So I'm wearing some slinky Lucky Jeans (shows off my sexy a$$), a pink flared sleve top that shows my stomach, 3 inch spikey heeled sandals, I've got on make-up and my wair in long and WILD looking. I didn't get action last night but I gave off the "freshly fucked vibe". I reek of booze and second hand smoke.
So I'm walking in embarssed but FUCK IT, I NEED COFFEE! This guy is walking out with his two tween girls. I'm like "holy shit, I'm exposing these children. Will they ask their dad if that lady is doing the walk of shame?". I stroll in and its like SUITS and JOGGERS. They all look at me. I'm just ignoring them. I grab some beans and wait in line. Then I decided to order and Americano. BIG MISTAKE. I should have taken my beans and got out of there. So they are making my drink, the poor guy making it SPILLS in. Thankfully he wasn't hurt but now I've got to wait. They give me a slip for a free coffee but come on I make a shit load of cash. I don't need a free fucking cup of coffee. I need to get the hell out of there before people see me.
DAMN COFFEE ADDICTION. I think I need a coffee 12 step program..."do you drink it alone, has it gotten you in trouble, can you not live without it..."
Anyways, this BITCH who is in front of me in line keeps looking back making gaspy noises and at me and drawing attention to me. It was pretty clear she's trying to make others look at me and think she's soooo offended byt me being in there. Like "oh, I've never". Let me add she's wearing running shorts (but trust me... she ain't a runner) and this holy ass blue sweatshirt with like 50 moth holes in it. So I had enugh of this bitch and I say in a low voice directly to her "You know, I went out last night, had too much to drink and choose not to drive myself home so that's why I look like this but what's your excuse? You look like a swarm of moths attacked you. You should go home and change because you look like a bag lady". Her eyes got big, her face turned RED and she left.
What a judgemental BITCH. Okay, so I'm already embarssed about doing a walk of shame in Starbucks. This bitch felt a need to attempt to make a big deal about me. Hello, she looked like she got that sweatshirt out of a fucking trash can... people who live in glass houses. bbbbeeeaaaattccccchhhhh.
Anyways, she leaves, I'm wating for my coffee (that got spilled), I see someone I know, they are staring at me.... GGGGRRREEEEAAAAAT. Of course the fucktard walks over and wants to talk to me. He's only seen me in a suit and in a business setting. I tell him "Oh, you didn't hear, I quit my job... burned out on the whole corp america scene... I took a job workin at the Mall"... he laughs and walks off mumbles something about he's done the walk of shame many times himself... yeah get lost tool.
THEN... it happens. One of my mothers holy roller friends walks in and sees me. I bet she just came from some crack of dawn church service. I just rushed past her on the way out. My mother.... oh dammit she's going to call and chew me out. I'm a grown woman... I pay all my own bills, I paid my OWN way thru collge, I sent my parents on a lavish vacation year before last, I responsible, I'm trusworthy, I take care of anything they need done, I'd give my parents a kidney if they needed it... but she's going to call me and chew me out. I can just hear that lady telling my mother about seeing me in Starbucks looking freshly fucked. (NOTE: I did not get fucked last night I just had "the look").
I can see it now, I'm going to be put on the prayer list. Myabe I'll change my ways, stop drinking, dancing, hanging out with homosexuals, have sex out of wedlock, no more show licking or spankings... repent and give 10% of my check to the church. haha.
So I walk to my car and I see the guy with his tween girls again. Sorry dude about exposing your kids to my walk of shame... again.
Okay, that's my drama for the day!
Back to work. Enjoy your coffee falkers.
PS. Does anyone want me to add them to my mothers prayer list?
this is in or around memorial/detering