Originally Posted: 2014-11-25 11:38am
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favorite this post AWFUL 7.5 ft Pre-Lit Christmas Tree hide this posting unhide

Nothing gives you the Christmas Spirit like getting into a shouting match with your wife as you try in vain to erect a poorly made fake tree on a freezing cold Ohio morning. Now you too can single handedly ruin Christmas for your family by purchasing this pre-owned, pre-lit Christmas tree!

This 'December Home' Natural Pine is 7.5 feet tall and has 500 multicolored lights, because mono-color is for pussies and people who don't like to party.

As you may be able to see in the pics below, the lights are out on one tier of the tree. I'm told by the geniuses on the internet that wiggling the wires will help, but I'd rather shove a hot poker through my pee-hole than spend another second troubleshooting that shit.

The tree stand utilizes the brilliantly terrible 4-screw-vice system, where you carefully adjust each screw in a fruitless effort to straighten the tree out. I swear to god, "praying the gay away" is more effective than this.

It comes in 3 "easy" to separate sections so that wrestling it back into what remains of the box will only net you a few years of couples therapy instead of a double murder/suicide.

If you can believe it, this piece of shit was priced at $129.99 brand new. I will let it go for a twenty dollar bill and a firm handshake.

Have fun fluffing the f**king branches.

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