Originally Posted: 2009-07-11 12:34am
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favorite this post Wingman for Rent-cheap! hide this posting unhide

It may seem to good to be true, but I'm glad to put my BS'ing skills to work for you! Need a Van Wilder to extract you from your Taj-like existence? Have trouble approaching that hottie at the bar? Afraid you'll get shot down by her bitchy friends (again)? This GUY is on your side (please see below).

Are you/do you have the following condition(s) or defect(s) holding you back from gettin in touch with your Inner Pimp:
1. Slovenly
2. Smelly
3. Bad skinned
4. Poor teeth
5. Degree from Miami-Jacobs
6. Stuttering
7. Tourettes
8. Amputation(s)
9. Lazy eye
10. Hammer toe
11. Club foot
12. Tennis Elbow
13. Bowler's Wrist
14. Chronic Masturbater
15. Live in parents basement

I can help!

Finding it too difficult to get to the object of your heart's (or groin's) desire becuase you're being c-blocked by her 300-lb Lacrosse playing sober DUFF girlfriend? Let me be the one to run interference and distract that bitch so you can get in close and (hopefully) remind everyone why someone invented RU-486.

For the low, low, price of $30/hr (4 hour minimum) I'll stand by your side until you select your target then I'll move in for the direct-marketing/introductions- and it will be all about you, you, you!

No drinking/light drinking only for me- I wont get shitfaced and make a bad situation worse- Im on your clock and your dime. And no double-dealing- even if your ideal mate seems way more into me, hey...bidness is bidness. I got your back.

As a special added bonus, pre-screening may be arranged with a sadistic group of bitchy women to evaluate your appearance and mackin' skillz. And you cant put a price on the type of knowledge these ho's will drop...truly cut-thoat hot cunts that will shamelessly point out every flaw you have. Ever seen a cat that gets ahold of and consequently shreds a shiny ribbon? Same idea, only the ribbon is your self-confidence. But from that horrifying experience we can possibly learn, and set you up for travelling down the road of unlimited poon and the crown of Mack Daddy/Mack Dawg/Mack Truck/Rock-Solid Ghettified Schiznit Pimp Master!

Tired of waking up alone and NOT in need of a shower cause you failed to get any 'stank on your hang-low'? Envious of all your friends because they complain about yet another coyote-ugly limb-chewing she-male, yet another STD, or yet another unplanned pregnancy, all while you sit quietly on the sidelines? Let me help you get in the game!

*no guarantees or warranties are expressed or implied that you'll actually achieve intimate contact. Poster not responsible for macing, tasing, STDs, arrests, incarceration, police brutality, unplanned pregnancy, or any other damages whether direct, collateral, or liquidated. Offer to be looked-over by bitchy friends is not an invitation for prostitution (as if..these bitches wont even give you the time, son), solicitation, snuggle-bunnies, sweaty-snuggle-bunnies, or leg-wrasslin'.*

Payment up-front.
(Ed. note: Im a guy. "But...why would a guy post in W4M?" you ask. Simple- you clearly need help otherwise you wouldnt be trolling CL personals. So please dont send me anymore cock pics, phone numbers, or messages with 'lets fuck tonight' in the subj. line. Thats why you're exactly the type of person Im trying to help.)

  • Location: Dayton
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

post id: 1264084302