I'm a lesbian with a number of straight male friends. This means I've become aware of some of the misconceptions and questions in the straight male community about lesbians. I would like to address one here--namely, the topic of boobs. Honkers. Gazongas. Love pillows. Cadillac bumper bullets.
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What is it like to love boobs and have your own, you ask?
I will be upfront about it.
It. Is. FANTASTIC.
It's everything you have ever dreamed. Everything you could possibly ask for. Everything you could ever hope it might be. 24/7, I have my very own maguffies. I do not need to think about what it would be like to squeeze a pair of boobies--I squeeze my own. I don't need to jiggle anyone else's melons--I jiggle my own. Strapped to my chest are my very own pair of lovable, squishable, soft breasts. They are the delight of my day and the dream of my night. It is not a sexual thing. I don't get off on playing with my boobs, and the naked female form is so familiar to me it is not an erotic thing in of itself (I don't "stare at myself"). Boobs are just FUN. It's like a stress ball that's always with you, a dangling slinky attached to your body. It is a constant source of beautiful, bouncy amusement.
I don't know how you guys get on without having these things. Man-titties don't cut it--I've seen them. They are flat and sad. They have no life, no spark. My boobies have vim and vigor! They are ready to go in the morning! They have not only read the "7 Habits of Highly Effective Bosoms," they go on speaking tours! I feel so sorry for you men, boobless and forlorn, stuck to only whatever you can get for the night. If I feel like groping me some titty, my ample chest is ready to satisfy. If I want to see how big boobs can get when you squish them against the chest, my fat sacks are up for the challenge. If I want to find out if if dollar bills really can get stuck in cleavage, I wear a tight shirt and conduct the experiment. And if I just need something to do with my hands while I'm watching a movie or walking around the house, screw twisting my hair or using my belly as a drum, I've got HOOTERS! If every ADD kid had their own boobies to play with, teachers would save thousands of hours of classtime spent dealing with more disruptive forms of fidgeting.
Yes, boobs certainly are the most wonderful thing on the planet. I thank God for them every day. Five stars! Excellent creation--would worship this deity again!
Three cheers for ta-tas! Huzzah for hooters! Jump high for jugs!