Originally Posted: 2005-01-20 16:28 (no longer live)

Why A Polyurethane Ass is Better Than a Girlfriend

A buddy of mine and I recently went into an adult bookstore in Chinatown (drunk) and he made the mistake of saying, "Dude, pick anything you want. Anything." Well, he was looking at $5 magazines when he said that. He didn't realize that in the back of the store there were high-quality moulded vaginas for sale.

My choice was met with little resistance, for my friend is a man of his word. I reached up and tipped a brand new Briana Banks "P*ssy and Ass" off the edge of the shelf. It fell into my arms and I coddled it all the way to the register.

"Jesus, those are expensive," my buddy said as he reached for his wallet.

Retail price: $129.00.

Well, without going into any passionate details, this borderline ridiculous sex toy has given me so much fun-filled pleasure that I've sworn off haivng a girlfriend until I lose interest in the moulded p*ssy (or the polyurethane loses it's slick coating). I can tell this relationship is going to last quite a while and let me tell you why:

1. I don't have to take her to dinner and watch her order a baby spinach salad with no onions and can you put the dressing on the side.

2. When I treat her a little rough, she never complains. In fact, she never complains no matter what I do. Including keeping her hidden under my bed.

3. She doesn't feel compelled to tell me all about her day at work every night.

4. Whenever I want to make love, she's totally up for it.

5. She never misses her period. Because she doesn't have one.

6. She doesn't fake orgasms.

7. She doesn't drag me to the Mall to go shopping.

8. She let's me make love to her *ss whenever I want, and there's no messy cleanup and no surprise diarrhea attacks because her duodenum isn't full of crap flakes.

9. She doesn't mind if I shout out other women's names while we're making love.

10. And she has a convenient drainage hole.

For anyone out there with a self-righteous, demanding, un-feminine, beyotchy girlfriend or wife, I highly recommend one of these prosthetic p*ssies. For the price of one night at Temple Bar, you can have hours of meaningful fun!

I'm serious. Ante up the cash. You won't regret it.

this is in or around Boston

post id: 56431281