Originally Posted: 2007-04-20 18:29 (no longer live)

Meet Your Three New Best Friends!

Mattress, Box Spring, Bed Frame and I met 8 months ago when I was new to Austin. They were new themselves, not just to Austin, but to life as the makings of a Twin bed set in general. We met at ACL; more specifically in the H-E-B Zilker Beach Playground. The four of us were sitting on plastic Adirondack chairs, enjoying the misting fans and watching Wolf Parade perform on the nearest stage, when some ACL volunteer came up and gruffly told us to get out of the playground.

Well, what could we do? All four of us knew we were in the wrong. There were signs were plastered everywhere: “Children and Parents Only”. We all pretended otherwise, though, offering sheepish apologies and pleading ignorance as we filed out of the snow-fenced area. Out once again among the sweaty masses, Mattress started laughing quietly to himself. Box Spring smiled and chuckled, and soon a comradely was formed around our shared exile from the kiddy oasis.

From there, we ended up hitting it off famously. We hung out together until well past Van Morrison that night, doing the Sixth street thing and ending it all at Kirby Lane. I asked if they had a place to crash for the night and none of them did. The rest, as they say, is history.

As I ready myself for my move back to New York, I grow teary-eyed at the prospect of leaving such good friends behind as Mattress, Box Spring, and Bed Frame. I promised to help them find a new place, so here they are, your three new best friends!

A) Here’s Mattress, making another one of his world-class vegetarian meals. Mattress graduated from the New England Culinary Institute at Montpelier among the top of his class. While he is knowledgeable in nearly all the food arts, he holds his specialty in dessert pastries, particularly Hungarian Nut Rolls.

B) There’s ‘ole Box Spring, at it again on the weight bench. Just off camera to the right is Box Spring’s ancient boom box, which has only known the love of two CD’s: The Best of Van Halen, volumes I and II. It’s not that he doesn’t like other music; he just finds it pumps him up while he’s pumping up. We know he’s moved on to the free weights because you can hear “Panama” all the way in the kitchen.

C) Bed Frame insisted that I use this picture of him posing with his prized moose head, even though I told him it might not endear him to certain craigslist viewers. Innocent moose slaughter aside, Bed Frame is a great guy. He spends his days as an LPN at Shady Pines Nursing Home and most nights at the local Boys and Girls Club teaching basketball fundamentals to underprivileged youth. He’s a real three-point specialist, but as you might imagine he’s a bit porous on defense.

When I asked them what they thought they were worth, they told me they retail for $240. They recognize they’re no spring chickens, but they keep themselves in immaculate condition and figured they’re still worth about $99 or thereabouts, negotiable. And that’s without all the intangibles that make them such great companions.

D) Look, it’s Mattress, Box Spring and Bed Frame, out on the patio for their Sunday afternoon ritual, “Coffee, Confections and Conversation!” It looks like there’s room for one more at the table today. Could that spot be reserved…for you?

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