Why are my vagina and I crying ourselves to sleep every night? Isn't this America, land of the be-a-woman-and-get-great-sex-anytime? I even have a button. Press it right, and sex will happen. Good sex.
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But do I really want to go through another terrible hook-up? Can I really take the horror of a rocker dude who's snorted too much blow to have a rock hard love wand? I didn't come over because I wanted to spend four hours coaxing a dong into cooperation. I wanted your sexual prowess to smack me into submission.
How about trying out the older gent in hopes that, like everyone says, he has pleasing a woman all figured out? Not surprisingly, I found the old-man groaning to be too distracting for me to enjoy myself at all. And just because I'm young doesn't mean I'm going to call you Daddy. Cause that's gross. I already have a Daddy, and I don't want to be involved with his penis in any way. At all.
Perhaps the charming friend could be a good partner. I still vote that sex with friends can work out...unless of course a) they want to shove their balls into my mouth to near-asphyxiation or b) they think that sleeping with me means that I suddenly want to receive love letters with lube enclosed.
I'm a progressive, intelligent lady and don't expect people to adhere to old fashioned gender roles but DAMMIT MEN. BE MEN.
It's so easy. I'll stroke your penis as well as your ego, perhaps even intentionally squealing loudly so the neighbors will know of your manhood. I'll be a willing participant in any kinks. I'll wear a cheerleader outfit. I'll let you toss me around. I'll growl and bite and then raise my voice five octaves when I come (if you make me). Dammit I'll make you feel like a man.
All I expect of you is that you make me feel like a woman. That is, act like my vagina is the Arc of the Covenant. Sigh, moan, sweat, clench your teeth, rub, mumble curse words in disbelief. Let me know that being between my legs makes you want to bust in five seconds, but hold it until I'm all done.
I'm going to get a margarita.