Dear Mystery Shitter:
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I know. I know. It's downright the worst bathroom on campus. The Michigan Daily even said so in an article once. It's usually a swamp of blood, piss, shit, vomit, and several mystery substances. It's got some interesting graffiti, but that's about the only perk. I very rarely use it, as there's a much nicer one down the hall. In fact, I shouldn't even be using it at all-- I graduated this spring. However, the internet is out at home, and I've been spending lots of time in the Fishbowl as a result. Sure, I could walk down to the nice bathroom, but the Hellhole (that is what I will call it from now on) is closer. Sue me for not wanting to walk for fifteen more seconds. I'm a massive lazy-ass. (Although I always take the stairs, even to the fifth floor in Dennison, so perhaps I'm entitled to a break.)
Regardless. With it being summer semester and all, the bathrooms are usually much cleaner. Even in the Hellhole, the majority of stalls are usable.
I don't know how you did it. Maybe you were a group of people hell-bent on shitting all over the place, maybe you're some sort of weird student group (Students for Free Shit?), maybe you're just one REALLY determined person. Whichever, you managed to leave all but two of the fourteen (??? I'm guesstimating here, but it's at least over ten) stalls filthy and unusable. There is unflushed shit everywhere, and in every single toilet bowl. One of the two remaining clean stalls doesn't have a lock. Maybe you're a very modest compulsive shitter? I don't know. I'm just impressed by your ability. Please let me know who you are and how you did it-- furthermore, WHY you did it. What do you have against flushing toilets? Why are you so opposed to the restroom being clean? Why do these horror stories seem only to occur in women's restrooms? My boyfriend says the men's rooms are always squeaky clean (except for the occasional penis drawings). I know we have more intellectual graffiti (philosophical, political, and religious debates, AS WELL AS lyrics to love songs!), but why the mess? Why???
Alas, I do not know who you are, so I am unable to determine your motives. I imagine you could win some sort of Guinness World Record. Please contact me immediately.
- Location: U of M
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests