best of craigslist > washington, DC > Thank you Donkey Porn
Originally Posted: 2005-08-11 10:06am

Thank you Donkey Porn

First, if you are offended by harsh language please do not read this post. This post is rated CL-MA and so there is your warning…

I was really bored last night and decided to download some porn. So I open the P2P program I use and think of some nasty words to search for.

“Ass” hmmm no not specific enough.

“Hot ass” nah that could turn up a guy

“Hot ass brunette” okay now I am getting some results but you have to be specific when you are searching on this thing.

“Hot ass brunette doggy style” ahh there we go! Tons of results! Let’s start double clicking!

So, I let them download and go about reading some CL stuff and trying to get the least hits on Google.

Ah ha! I see the beautiful black bar that indicates a completed download! Woohoo time for some porn watchin’.

So I get all set up in my chair ready for some hot doggy style action. I click play and wait to see if I have already watched this particular clip. I haven’t, man this is sweet!

Enter screen left a beautiful, I think Brazilian, woman undoubtedly ready to get done in some nasty ways.

“Yeah this is going to be hot!” I think to myself as I watch her walking through the grass.

Then I think “oh yeah outdoor sex, grass and good lighting, awesome!”

Enter screen right white guy with donkey. Actually enter screen right white guy with donkey that has a huge hard on. At this point I realize what I have downloaded. I am now watching some Brazilian Donkey Porn.

Now I am a guy slowing down to look at an accident. I know you all are pissed at me looking, and say you would not, but when you get to the accident you look too.

So anyway this incredibly hot chick starts to mess around with the Donkey.

I will spare you the details but it was hardcore and made me feel a bit dirty to be honest.

The movie finishes. I am waiting for the FBI to pound on my door and arrest me. Then it hits me.

That chick just did a donkey and yet I am single. It’s not like she was ugly or anything…

Why am I single? I thought.

Well you have some bad habits. My brain replied.

Yeah I do have bad habits but I think there are some women who would overlook them. I thought.

Yeah but they are ugly. My brain replied.

Okay brain, stop it! There are obviously hot girls out there that are doing donkeys for Christ sake!!

Then I thought about what I just saw and the reason someone would do something like bang a donkey.

The only reasons I could think of are:

Money

Drugs

Some weird animal fetish that I do not even want to think about

So, I am not into animals we can knock that one right out. I also am not a big fan of drugs. Though for some reason I always have weed? I don’t know what’s the deal with that? But I digress…

So I am left with money. Makes sense, if money can make a hot girl bang a donkey then I am sure it will make one want to be with me.

This also got me thinking about hot girls in general. My approach has really been no approach. To be honest, I was a little intimidated by hot girls until last night. Now that the image of that hot girl is in my head with a big floppy Donkey dick… Hot girls watch out.

That single clip of porn has given me new confidence and drive. If I make all the money I can and have a more aggressive approach to hot girls I will land one of you soon. I am sorry ladies but that clip of Donkey porn just knocked you off of your High Horse.

Pardon the pun….

Thus I thank you Donkey Porn.

You have made me a new man….

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