Vintage Man-Sized Pepper in a Baby Carriage
Giant fiberglass peppers, that is.
I remember the day I picked him up at the giant chili pepper nursery... he was so.... peppery. I may have gotten a few looks pushing him around town, but love for your children...or...vegetables, can't be swayed by strangers' judgements. Some said he had a face only a mother could love. I always said he didn't have a face.
By the time he was in his teen years though, things began to change. He was no longer the cute baby pepper I raised. He began to withdraw from me, and I started getting calls from school. Missing class, standing up to teachers (which I think was metaphorical since he doesn't have legs), it seemed that no matter what I did it would get worse and worse.
Once he got a license, I started not seeing him as much. He would come home at odd hours of the night, covered in booze and drugs. Later I would find out he was cruising for lady peppers, and having passionate pepper love- all in the bench seat of MY car, no less! As years when on, bad habits began to turn into a way of life. I would come home day after day and find the liquor cabinet raided and empty. I would cry and plead with him to stop, but he would just scoff and keep drinking. He's grown too big at this point. I can't stop him. I'm afraid I have to release him to the wild, like one of those pet alligators that grow too big and people let go in a pond (later eating everyone there).
I must warn you, he may destroy or badly influence your family. Your children. Your life. But then again, at least he's not destoying mine.
- Location: Laurel, MD 20723
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