best of craigslist > vancouver, BC > re: Rant - Subway: A "Sandwich Artist's" response
Originally Posted: 2006-02-08 10:23am

re: Rant - Subway: A "Sandwich Artist's" response

> When you ask me what type of sub I would like, please be ready to make it so I don't have to repeat myself 5 seconds later.

I understood what you said. I want you to repeat it in great hope that you will finally realize what you are ordering is the most disgusting piece of shit, walk out of the store and into oncoming traffic... then I'll have one less of you shitty people to deal with. Unfortunately, this has only happened 3 times since I worked here.

> If I ask for lettuce, that doesn't include that extremely visible olive that came with it. Please don't pretend like you can't see it.

If there is a large lineup, it's my boss's orders for me to move my ass. Deal with the olive princess... If you are the only one there, then it's cause I feel the olive will add flavour to that rancid piece of shit veggie-patty that you ordered.

> Why can't I order a breakfast sub if its 5 minutes after 11?

Maybe english is your problem. What the FUCK don't you understand about "breakfast served up until 11am"? And only child molesters order breakfast subs.

> When I order more then one sub, can you please label the wrapping so I know which sub is mine.

I thought those 8 subs were for you. It's common knowledge that people who eat at subway have no friends, and then eat subs to compensate, which further prevents them from ever getting a new friend. It is a deadly and sad cycle. If you are one of those rare few that do have friends, then tell us and we will gladly label your packages in awe.

> You're given the title "sandwhich artist" for a reason, please be neat when topping my sub with veggies. I'm actually going to eat it when you're done.

It's not my fault that you are too much of a stupid fucker to fall for that marketing bullshit. I get paid 8-bucks and saw that steaming pile half a mile away. Do you also believe Jared Fogle when he says you can eat subs and loose 80 pounds?

> When I ask for tomatoes, please don't give me the discolored slices or ends.

Shush... Don't disturb the sandwich artist at work.

> "Subway, Eat Fresh" So why am I eating a bun that was already cut and made the day before?

Cause my boss told me so. Hey, I need this $8.00 job to pay for my ever-rising tuition so one day I'll never have to eat at subway like the rest of you assholes. You're getting the old moldy bun... If you still decide to stay rather than walk out, that's not my fucking problem.

> Toasted subs are great but please don't toast my sub and move on to the next order, leaving my sub to sit there and get cold.

My job is to get as many of you assholes out of here as possible. If there is a large ass lineup then I'll deal with the others while you get your buns toasted. Hopefully this new asshole will hurry up and I can get back to your bun, but most of the times it is not the case.

> What are the carrots for?

The nose of a snowman.

> When you cut my footlong sub, can you please cut all the way through.

No, this will allow you to get at least a little bit of daily exercise you're trying to avoid by eating our subs.

> Please clean the cutting knife after each cut. I don't want to taste the sauces of the person before me.

Again, your sick-ass veggie patty sub needs some taste. I'm doing you a favour.

> If you misunderstand what type of sauce I would like on my sandwhich and apply it before I can correct you, please make me a new one. Don't stand there expecting me to say "its ok"

I wanted to see how far I could go. So far you have waited 20 mins for a toasted sub with old bun, sat through topings you don't want, you didn't say shit when I put junky rotten tomatoes on. At this point, I know I OWN your bitch ass, and know the only answer out of your mouth will be "it's ok". Next time I'll slide your sub between the crack of my ass and I'm still positive you will buy it with a shit-eating grin on your face.

> Please give me the correct ammount of deli meat and layer it on the bread evenly.

Deli meats usually comes seperated into portions. So what we pick up is what you get. If you want extra personal service, don't come to a multinational, go to your local mom-and-pop shops. I'm sorry I didn't line up the meat exactly, I left my slide-rule at home.

> Does anyone actually play that new SUBtxt Hockey trivia? My last code was DW358JSR. Let me know if you win.

Sorry, only you have enough time of the day to play it.

> How come 2 cookies cost more then 3?

So you would buy 3 cookies rather than two.

> When will the stamps be back?

Never, too many people were abusing it. We see less assholes in the store now, but still too many.

> Thanks.

Fuck off.





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