I can't believe you peed on my ficus tree

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Okay,

So you weren't thrilled by the sex -

News flash: neither was I.

Chalk it up to lack of enthusiasm and tepid chemistry.

Guess what?

You left too early. When you snuck out at 4:36AM you blew the gap.

You never found out that I do breakfast in bed

or that I'm ten times the slut I was the night before

after a little coffee and bacon, eggs over easy.

Your loss.

I heard the toilet flush, so I'm confused

(more than pissed off)

over why you peed in my houseplant.

I thought about it today at work, but I still can't figure it out

post id: 9160055