Don't fuck with "The New Girl"
I went to get my usual wax from a salon that I frequently use. I was running a little late this morning so I got to the salon later than usual and there were about 5 or 6 women ahead of me. This salon offers a break on prices for early birds. You get a regular service at a discount for being there when they open, which is 10:30. So I have to wait 30 minutes to be seen and I don’t get my regular lady. I have no choice – I have to get a wax today because I’m going to have sex for lunch. So I’m stuck with the “New Girl.”
Now, ordinarily, I don’t have anything bad to say about the “New Girl.” I like the new girl – she’s always so helpful when it comes to shopping. She’s very generous at the coffee counter. The New Girl is cool with me.
So I go into the room, take off my pants, panties…you know the deal. I put on those paper thongs and I announce that I’m ready by sitting on that loud ass paper they put on the table. She comes in and I tell her how I want my stuff to be done, right. I tell her ..”all of it off the bottom, and sides – give me a neat little triangle.” She nods and smiles – she’s a very energetic little new girl. She starts the ceremony – lift your leg and hold this and pull that…right. I ask her to tell me before she rips, because, though I’ve been through this before, I still need to mentally prepare myself. She proceeds to put on the wax, all the while she’s smiling, clicking and humming and then she pats on the cloth, and then she counts down “3..2..1 and deep breath” and RIP. This is how it’s supposed to go. Yes it hurts, I’m contemplating leaving, and clenching my fists…sure.
Now typically, they do a few swipes on both sides and then they do the top and move onto your butt. This lady was extremely tenacious. It was like she had a grudge on all of my little pubic hairs and was not going to rest until I was as clean as the day I was born. She must have swiped me 5 times - and this was just on one side! The hairs that were mercifully missed by the waxing she later plucked with tweezers! She had it in for my cooch hair like 9000, I’m telling you she was relentless. Meanwhile, I’m gripping the table – the paper is crunching under me, I’m sure people in the waiting room are cringing – they know what crunching paper means. I’m imaging that my hair follicles are screaming in agony with each rip – if you could have heard the screams, you would have cried. I think I could hear them, because I had tears in my eyes.
I couldn’t figure out why she was taking my excess pubic hair so personally. It was like she had a point to prove, like no pubic hair was going to escape on her watch. And then it occurred to me…she’s the “New Girl.” OOOOOOOh, SNAP! I should have known better! And if all that waxing and pulling and plucking wasn’t enough – she sprayed my ass with alcohol. I lost my stoic cool and I cried out.. I was fanning my crotch – the burning was more than I could handle. I guess she realized she went too far, so she started blowing on me.
I’m in pain. Real pain. I feel like I’ve just had my cooch scalped. I’m walking like a cowboy back to my car. I’m thinking that there is no way I can have sex for lunch now. My day is ruined! Damn that New Girl!
So my advice to you is…Don’t fuck with the “New Girl” she is no joke.