best of craigslist > SF bay area > No more sex. Please.
Originally Posted: 2007-01-23 4:30am

No more sex. Please.


I can't believe that I am actually saying this, but can we please just stop having sex for a little while? I mean 5 minutes would probably do, I just need some kind of break before my sex drive breaks off. I'm serious. Please. I can't take anymore, but I can't stop. I have a problem.

Sure, we were friends for too many years first, so I'm sure that you had some tension building up during that time. I know I did. The first 2 days just about killed me, but for the first time in my life I was satisfied. Given my sex drive I thought that maybe I had had a stroke somewhere in the 40 hrs of damn near continuous sex. But I'm a gentleman, so I gave you another 20. But now that we're working on 4 days here I'm starting to panic. It's like I'm being taught some kind of horrible lesson, but I can only pray that I'm dreaming.

Don't get me wrong, you're gorgeous, and I remember thinking when we first started that you were the best lay that I've ever had. But the way we're going, I'm going to be afraid of sex.

Your body is so graceful and your skin so flawless that I would dream about what you'd be like in bed. You have no idea how much stronger and scarier you look now. I mean seriously, how are you doing this. we've been at it long enough that I'm got "next-day-sore" muscles and genitalia yesterday.

See, I want to tell you this in person, but I think the rule is: 'Never complain about sex. Ever.' So instead, I just keep playing the man and keep pretending that I have the strength to overpower you or throw you around when in reality I think I might actually cry during sex.

When I first saw your vagina I was so excited to see all my favorite traits in one package. Now the faint smell and taste that I once loved permeate every tissue on my body. I can't get the smell off my face (I'll probably have to shave off my goatee), and the now nauseating taste seems to come from my own sweat or something.

I will forgive you one transgression though because you obviously were unaware, but in the future remember that immediately after a man comes, it is exactly the wrong time to torture him by latching yourself to him like a freaking 5-point safety belt and grinding hard against his incredibly sensitive penis. It's not funny, I tried to throw you off, but if you've ever been in a straight-jacket ....

On the positive side, you are a trooper. You don't give up, no sir. In each of our sessions you make sure that there is no break between orgasm and the beginning of the next session. I mean, I've never seen anyone who can keep a limp penis inside them and still do what you've been doing. You even make sure that I never let my vital organs horde any of that precious blood that you seem to need so badly in my penis.

On the other hand OSHA, or some group like it, would not approve of your conditions. You haven't let me get up to get water in almost 9 hours. I'm dehydrated, I think I am getting heat stroke, I honest to god peed bloody last time, I'm hallucinating, and I think that you've damaged my left testicle badly enough that I need to see a doctor. Oh, and by the way, any moans or screams you're hearing are no longer ones of pleasure.

I thank good genetics for giving me a brain that was actually still able to, under these conditions, convince you to go take a quick shower "with me" (yeah right). If there was anything significant within 12 miles of this cabin I may have run instead of sitting here typing. In case I forgot to mention, or you misheard, I need to get home so that I can prepare for work. I've already missed two days.

But the reason that you deserve the title of bitch is that you know damn well that I'm not going to be outdone by YOU! So, of course, I'll go right back to it the next chance we get. Oh crap, you just turned off the water, I better try to prepare.

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