Missing: 10 panties of various colors/states of disrepair
(1) Disgruntled and mistreated, my underwear decided it was time to run away from home. If this was the case, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you were so upset. I miss you and the way you always kept me warm and safe. You made me feel comfortable in your soft, cotton embrace. I tried to be fair, changing my underwear everyday so that each of you could feel wanted. Perhaps it wasn't enough. I have asked the two panties that remained behind why you all left, but neither of them is saying a word. I'm willing to go to counseling and try to work this out. I left your drawer just the way you like it. Please come home.
(2) Someone with a severe panty fetish casually walked by the empty laundromat and couldn't resist stealing my clean, warm, dry and unattended underwear. If this was indeed what happened, I know what you're doing with them and I don't want them back. Keep them and enjoy them. They are my Christmas gift to you. Just don't feel bad, your thievery has afforded me the opportunity to buy new and prettier panties, much like the ones you didn't get to steal because I never put those in the dryer. I thank you and my future gentleman callers thank you.
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