Do you think when I walk on BART at 7:00 in the morning that the first thing I want to see is you scratching your package? I haven't had coffee yet, I've still got a hangover from last night and my lunch of chili is dripping through my backpack and running down my leg. So NO!!! NO I don't want to see you scratching your package! If you're going to scratch your wingus, do it in a seat that is less obvious than the one right under the map.
I also don't want to sit beside some chick who is clipping her long ass fingernails (are you setting a world record here?) right next to me. Never mind that the only set of seats occupied in this car is the one I'm in AND it's the one you choose to sit in also! There are TWENTY OTHER SEATS in this car alone. Give me a little space lady. Your gnarly, yellowed, curly fingernail lands in my shirt and all you say is "oh sahree". Well I'm sorry too. Sorry that your momma never taught you any manners.
And to the jackoffs who look down, intensely studying your paper when you know DAMN WELL that a senior citizen, a handicapped nun AND a kid on crutches just entered the train and you won't give up your seat - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Were you raised with the Asian lady who is clipping her nails next to me?
And why OH WHY don't people sit in the seat closest to the window? When every freaking seat is taken in the train except the one next to you by the window - WHY do you look up at me like I'm pissing you off because I expect you to get up off your big ass and let me sit down? Were you really shocked that someone would expect you to offer up this seat or did you buy the specially marked BART ticket that allows you the convenience of two seats side-by-side while the crippled kid and the nun and the senior all have to stand by and watch you clip your nails or scratch your package??? Is that it!? Because, if so, I'd like to know where I can buy such a ticket. Are you in some underground BART rider of the month club that has special privleges?
Oh, and I'd like to shout out a special "you asshole" to those jayoffs who come running down the escalators, arms flailing, pummeling down everyone in your path and try to force the BART doors open in your train that is about to leave. WHY do you do this? They run every freaking ten minutes and you just ripped my backpack literally off my arms so you could jam the doors in hopes of catching this train. You are a class A idiot. Pick up a train schedule - THEY'RE FREE. It has all kinds of information like WHEN THE TRAINS ARE SCHEDULED TO LEAVE EVERY DAY!!!!! Doesn't cost a thing.
You better hope I never see you outside the confines of public transportation.