best of craigslist > SF bay area > I got, you got
Originally Posted: 2006-02-14 8:27pm

I got, you got

I was about 10 minutes into my interval training run this evening when I came upon a homeless couple engaged in oral sex on a park bench. At first when I saw the lady's exposed bottom I mistook the absence of clothes for tight fitting pantyhose. Then moments later everything was clear. Her pants were off completely and she was leaning forward into the man standing in front of her. He was bent over her resting his elbows on her back. As I passed a few feet away he and I made eye contact. We said nothing and I continued on having checked my heartrate monitor to ensure I was in my target zone for the second 1200m interval. As I ran I mentally listed the differences in my life and this man's life as I saw them. Here they are for your reading pleasure:

I got home last night after visiting my parents in Florida. I was excited because my scheduled flight was overbooked and in exchange for giving up my coach class seat I got a free ticket valid for travel anywhere in the US and Canada for the next year.

You got a blowjob.

I got to ride in first class on a Boeing 767. This jet has fully reclining seats in first class. I also got free wine, free cookies and free baileys and coffee.

You got a blowjob.

When I finally arrived at my destination airport it turned out my luggage arrived safely and earlier than me. I got leave the airport immediately - no waiting for the vast conveyor system to deliver my luggage. I was quite happy.

You got a blowjob.

When I arrived home, I arranged the presents I had purchased for my kids on the table so when they arrived the next day they would find them easily. I've got eleven more months to go in my separation before I can file for divorce.

You got a blowjob.

I've got a two bedroom apartment with the cheapest furniture you can buy from costco.com. I'm supporting two households because my soon to be ex-wife won't go back to work. I haven't had sex in months.

You got a blowjob.

When I left Orlando yesterday there were thousands of high school cheerleaders at the airport. Apparently there was a national cheerleading competition taking place there this week. I got to fantasize about finding a cheerleader that has a father/daughter fetish and deflowering her and her pom poms while waiting for my flight to leave.

You got a blowjob.

When I got to work today it took me until lunch to read through my backlog of emails from the two days I took off. One of our major customers had a loss of service partially caused by a component I'm responsible for. I got to read the back and forth email description of all the issues encountered over the weekend and the fallout from that continued today.

You got a blowjob.

Before I left last week the person I had been seeing told me that although I'm an amazingly wonderful guy she just doesn't have romantic feelings for me. I got the nice guy speech again.

You got a blowjob.

I've got a $300 Polar heartrate monitor with footpod that will tell me my heartrate, my speed, the temperature, the altitude and the time elapsed for the total exercise and my lap splits. When I passed you my heartrate was 152.

You got a blowjob.

I have to finish my income taxes. I got my wife to agree to file jointly so instead of owing $8k I'll be getting back $200 this year. I've got one more year to file jointly.

You got a blowjob.

Tonight to console myself I've got the collective consciousness of craiglist reading my thoughts comparing myself to you Mr homeless person. I've got the power of the pen and I'm not afraid to use it.

You got a blowjob.

PS, I really appreciated how on my return trip down the path you had completed your endeavor and greeted me so cheerfully, "Out for a little run today? You're really working up a sweat!" There's nothing the world hates more than a gloating homeless man fresh from a blowjob.

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