best of craigslist > seattle > RAVE! Sleeping with roommates
Originally Posted: 2005-07-06 2:56am

RAVE! Sleeping with roommates

So, the first five rules of shared housing go:

1. Pay your goddamn bills.
2. Pull your weight, slacker.
3. Be polite to your roommates, assface.
4. Don't be a "hole." Don't even move in if you aren't going to be any more fun than an empty hole, you no-social-skills no-life no-friends Craigslist-posting loser.
5. And don't sleep with your roommates, nads-for-brains.

Your roommates might seem like legitimate prospects, but that is incorrect. They are taboo. Most people know this instinctively, as it's not so long since we were all village-dwelling spear-shaking savages. But if the modern mind requires logical arguments, then, for example: if it goes bad, one of you is going to have to move. Duh. Relationship-development-wise, it means going from 0 to living together instantly. Not smart. And most likely you're just doing it because it's convenient, which indicates you have no life, no friends to fix you up, no social skills to meet someone in the real life you don't have, you can't even get a date on Craig's List, and you are a pathetic loser.

Bearing all that in mind, I am here today to say that Sleeping With Your Roommate ROCKS!!!

It is oooohhhh sooooooo convenient. Oh my is it convenient. Your roommate/fuckbuddy comes home, wanders into your room like the average friendly roommate, and then you're fucking! Then when you're done, you're already home! Rm/fby can go off to their own space, in their own home, and realign their coiff or whatever they need to do. Meanwhile you're back in your own room peacefully enjoying the afterglow/getting back to your Web surfing/whatever.

The quality of the afterglow is superb. Your warm fuzzy is not messed up by having to pull your pants on and go out into the cold hard world, nor by having to cuddle with your partner when you'd rather contemplate alone, nor by feeling abandoned when your cuddle-partner gets up and leaves. They're still right there in the house, so with only a very little mental discipline you can feel exactly as alone as you want.

Which illustrates the really key core excellence of Sleeping With Your Roommate: ambiguity. You can, to a remarkable extent, see exactly what you want in this inkblot. Roommate with benefits? Non-platonic friend? Fuckbuddy? Girlfriend/boyfriend? Live-in partner? It's all there.

Even better, you don't even have to be consistent. One day it can be throw-down porn-star sex (for you), next it can be "I think I want to have kids with this person" (in your mind). And you don't have to specify, because you do the exact same thing either way.

Believe me, it's fantastic.


[Stay tuned for the RnR update, "When Sleeping With Your Roommate Goes Horribly, Horribly Wrong"]

post id: 82697847

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