15 Reasons Why I Would Rather Have a Boyfriend than a Border Collie
Won’t have to follow boyfriend around city with plastic bags picking up his poop from the sidewalk (unless it’s some kind of special situation, I guess)
When we go on long steep climbs near the Mountain Loop Highway, I won’t have to worry about boyfriend seeing a bird and accidentally hurtling self over a cliff to the rocks below
Boyfriend won’t slobber on pant leg (at least not in public)
Won’t have to watch the Animal Channel all the time and can keep the television off and get some writing done
Won’t have to fight constantly about border collie’s drinking problem
When taking long beach walks on Oregon Coast, boyfriend won’t suddenly sprint off and joyfully roll his body on top of dead sea mammal or ailing seagull
Border collies can’t send nice email or phone messages when you’re having a bad day at work. A text message from a border collie can be frightening.
Boyfriend won’t eat slugs and puke them up on my down comforter and bare shoulder in the morning
Boyfriend won’t accidentally trip me when jogging alongside me near busy street
Boyfriend practices good dental hygiene, border collie brushes teeth with sticks
A border collie can’t go to movies and doesn’t appreciate independent film, but boyfriend might
Won’t have to discuss Nietzsche all the time with boyfriend.
Boyfriend won’t knock glasses off my face when I hug him
Boyfriend not afraid of fireworks and other loud noises, which is important because the Fourth of July is coming up.
Boyfriend does not require licensing through the City of Seattle.