The Top 5 Guys I've Met Online
5. The Inappropriately Dressed Knee-Bobber. He showed up wearing a parka, shorts, tennis shoes and about a pint of Drakkar Noir. We went to dinner (my bad…never again on a meet 'n greet) and then to a movie, where he spent 93 minutes bouncing his knee up and down such that the entire row of seats shook. And yes, I asked him to stop. Which he did, for about 20 seconds and then started up again. Nervous tic or something.
4. The "Couple of Extra Pounds" guy. I read all the time about how frustrated you guys get over women that turn out to be a lot bigger than expected. Well, what about the guys? He said he was a couple pounds overweight. Fine. I don't really care about that, just be honest. When I showed up to meet him, I didn't even recognize him from the photos he had sent…he had to tap me on the shoulder to get my attention. I spent the date being nice anyway because I'm not a rude person, but c'mon now.
3. The Alcoholic Who Hid The Fact That He Had a DUI and Thus Could Not Allow Me in His Car. For our first date, we met for a drink. He was cute and funny. It was freezing outside so when we left to go to our cars and I had parked rather far away, I'd hoped he'd offer a ride to my car. He didn't. Fine. Offensive but not a deal-breaker. He called that night to make sure I'd gotten home okay, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. We planned a second date, and he asks me to meet him at his place which was on the way, so we could drive over together. Mkay, fine. I show up and he goes, "I'm gonna let you drive." I start to wonder what might be wrong with his car, but I drive anyway. We get to Pike Place at like 1pm and he immediately says he's hungry so we sit down to eat. He orders a beer. Then another. No food. Peculiar. We leave the restaurant and he leads me on a mystery walk…to Belltown Billiards. Um they're not even OPEN yet, it's like 3pm. So where do we go? A random pub. More beer. I drove him home and he invited me in…I went in out of mere curiosity. His apartment smells like an ashtray. He cracks open another beer. Mkay. Bye bye, Chachie. No danke.
2. The I Don't Have Any Gas Money guy. I won't go into details on this one but at the end of the date, he complained that he didn't have enough money for gas to get home (and no, we hadn't had an expensive meal, nor did he pay my way). I blinked a few times and ended up loaning him $10 (I realize I'm totally stupid for doing so). He emailed me a few days later asking where he could send the money…and at that point I didn't even want to give him my address. Keep it, Donald.
1. The Creepy Masseuse. We met at a bar. He kept talking about his massage business and how much he'd like to "rub away" my "stress." He paid for our drinks on his business credit card and asked the waiter to adjust the receipt so that it didn't show all the alcoholic purchases. How charming. He walked me to my car and I said g'nite and he kept asking whether I wanted to "go for a ride." Uhm no. Asking turned to begging. I told him I was nauseous from all the alcohol and had to go, locked my doors and sped away. Apparently he has me in his address book because I still get random emails from him even after I asked him to remove me from his list. What a treat.
Please tell me there are decent single men in this city who know how to treat women with even an ounce of respect. I'm not even interested in dating right now, just ever so curious as to whether any of you are out there.