best of craigslist > philadelphia > 12 Things
Originally Posted: 2005-02-11 3:29am

12 Things

1. I have a mirror in my shower, people thing it's for shaving (and it is), but it's REALLY for making shampoo horn and monster faces at myself every morning.

2. I have a dent puller suction cup thing I bought to pull a dent on my car, worked great, so now I pull dents out of stranger's cars when they're not looking, I find this quite satisfying.

3. I wear Sponge Bob boxer shorts under my business suit, and NO, I'm not gay.

4. I'm in my forties, but I still listen to music that angry fourteen-year-old boys like, Slipknot, Lamb of God, Static-X, Pantera......REAL LOUD.

5. I send magazine subscriptions (pre-paid) to people to bug them, I figure out the magazine they'd hate the most and that's the one they get. Ebony to my racist friend, BBW to my ex-wife, Playboy to my friend with the super jealous wife, Hot Rod to my environmetal friends.

6. On the weekends, I dress like a bum (torn shorts, baseball hat, Timex watch) and drive my old muscle car. I hit on the most stuck-up women I see, if they reject me, I get a weird pleasure in knowing that I'm really a successful Architect who could buy and sell them. Silly girls.

7. I flirt with little old ladies, not in an overt way; I get a kick out of how randy of a sense of humor most of them have. I think some of them would go for it if I wanted.

8. I have a collection of Hot Wheels and Japanese toys that is worth thousands of dollars.

9. I still eat Cocoa Puffs and watch cartoons in a tent in my living room sometimes.

10. The oldest woman I have ever slept with is 35, I find most women my age boring and controlling, I am single (Duh). I don't look my age, I'm pretty hot.

11. I put bumper stickers on people's cars without their knowledge, "I love my dog" ones, Kerry stickers on conservatives, those little gay pride flags or pink triangles on REAL uptight people's cars, and again, NO, I'm not gay but I work with a bunch of gay people.

12. I tell strange dogs to "get the kitty" and watch them freak out.

You may think I'm immature, but I'm really happy.



post id: 59296716

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