best of craigslist > portland > Are you thinking about having kids? Teenager Kit!!!
Originally Posted: 2009-08-26 9:04pm

Are you thinking about having kids? Teenager Kit!!!

Are you thinking about having kids? Don’t want to go through nine months of agony just to have to go through it all over again if you want more than one kid. Well my friends, not only can I save you eighteen months of waiting, I can save years of diapers and unwanted stretch marks. For a limited time only, you can rent my teenagers buy one get one free for only $19.95.
Tired of your remote always being where you left it? Too much money in your wallet? Something not being broken and put back as if nothing even happened? Be the envy of all your friends with the only couch in the neighborhood to smell like Chinese food and dirty socks. Get rid of that needy feeling you had when your dog got hit by a car and had to be put down.
With my “Teenager’s Kit” every day can be like a mystery. Will they come out of their room? Can the girl get off the phone in less than five hours? Will we go over our nine-hundred minutes on our cell phone plan?
Kids are old enough to work, but alas have no time. You must be able to pay for them to do whatever they want and their friends want or you are a bad parent.
Female teen is late four to five days out of the week and her school is halfway across town depending on where you live. This is largely due to hair and make-up not going on right and gets angry if you don’t stop at Starbucks and drive fast enough. Games that are also fun, “I need a ride and by the way can we pick up my friend’s too?” Followed by the classic and also my favorite, “My friends have no ride home because…” You can play these games with the female teen all month long.*Caution: Female “Incredible Hulk Game” is good only seven days out of the month. Watch as her eyes become greener and her clothing becomes tighter. *WARNING* do not, I repeat do not comment on the tight clothing; the female teen will become angry. And you won’t like her when she’s angry!!!
Male teen can entertain for hours with games when you clean his room or look for missing dishes. I like to name these games; “Find that dish,” “There’s a fungus amongus,” and even get the friends and family over to play “What’s that smell?” You may even have to guess if the boy is even home which is why I love the game, “Will the boy wake up before five pm after playing W.O.W. on the computer all night?” Another game to enjoy is deep thoughts by male teen including, “I should not have to do this because…” and best of all “I don’t have time to do this or I didn’t have time to do that because…”. Do not anger the male teen by disagreeing, you may hear words that your mother would wash your mouth out with soap for. Let’s not forget the mystical food fairy that comes during the night and leaves dishes and food all over the counters. If you have a pet, such as a dog or cat, don’t worry they will help you clean such items by eating them and leaving wrappers on the floor.
So, if this is for you pull out the keys to the Mini-Van and empty the 401-K. (No-refunds, perverts, void where prohibited.)
Thanks,
[Deleted] A.K.A. Mom Slave
Please respond to tearingmyhairout@[deleted]

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