best of craigslist > los angeles > A R&R LETTER TO MY EX...
Originally Posted: 2004-05-19 3:46pm

A R&R LETTER TO MY EX...

TO WHAT'S HIS FUCKING NAME:

I HATE YOU. NOW AND ALWAYS.

I wish I wouldn't have stopped one of my friends from having a box of dogshit anonymously delivered to your office. Although I find delightful, demented humor in that, I know you would have only blamed me for sending it.

I wish I could cut your dick off without my name being nationally broadcasted throughout the media like Lorraine Bobbit's was. I also don't want to be criminally prosecuted.

I wish I could push a red button that would strategically drop an atomic bomb on your fucking house leaving no collateral damage.

I wish I had dark magic powers that would prevent you from ever closing another R.E. deal, Mr. 6-digit income earner. Or I wish I had dark magic powers to make you fatally crash your precious, black, shiny-new $800/month Beemer into a telephone pole. Or make one or both of your donor heart valves burst on one of those rare nights when you're actually home alone.

Most of all, I wish I could rewind some Life VCR Machine...I would chose to stay at home that Saturday night back in September 2001 instead of going out to Padri's with my friends. Or I wish your friend had talked you into leaving that place before I arrived and met you. Or I wish you would have just fucking lost my telephone number.

I HATE YOU. NOW AND ALWAYS.

You are equivalent to a rapist. You raped my heart, mind and soul with your plethora of pathological lies and constant cheating. And then I had a fucking abortion because you didn't want to be financially responsible, Mr. I've Never Had Children Because I've Always Had Women Whom I Make Have Abortions After I Get Them Pregnant. [For anyone who happens to be reading this...his total count in now 12. YES, FUCKING TWELVE! I couldn't make up that fact if I brainstormed for 40 days and 40 nights.] You'd rather spend your money on cars, booze, pot and whores...

You are the most evil of hypocrites -- repeatly telling me to "trust" you because you have "integrity" and are "trustworthy" when you were lying over and over to my face and cheating on me over and over behind my back. Telling me you "loved" me and were "in love" with me when all you did was use me for you own self-serving needs. Telling me you were "spiritual" when all you cared about was getting laid.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME??? You KNEW that I loved you. You KNEW that I was in love with you. You told me I was the "hottest and sexiest and smartest" woman you had ever been with. [He dangled the preposition, not I.] I met all of your friends. I went to two of your company's office parties. I even met your parents, your brother and your sister. You convinced me that we had a "special spiritual connection."

You belong in Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell. It is reserved for those who are guilty of "treachery against those to whom they were bound by special ties." They (which now includes you) are BENEATH the pagans, carnals, gluttons, heretics, thieves and even those who are violent against their neighbors, against themselves or against GOD...

I HATE YOU. NOW AND ALWAYS.

So, at the seasoned age of 35, I'm now back on the single's chopping block again. But I'm stronger, wiser...and ready to apply what I had to learn the hard way after 2 1/2 years of being with you:

I will NEVER continue to be involved with an average-looking, bald-headed, middle-age man who has erectile problems the first few times we have sex. He has already been around the block a few thousand times and knows how to play all the games. Later, I'll discover those blue Pfizer pills which he'll lie about taking when I pointblank ask him if he takes them because I noticed his increased sexual stamina.

I will NEVER continue to be involved with a man who has regularly smoked pot for over 3 decades and always has a stash and an ever-ready bong in his home. He has no brain cells left.

I will NEVER continue to be involved with a man who has many (2-digit IQ'd) ex-girlfriends who are young enough to be his daughters. He is youth-obsessed and will never grow old wisely.

I will NEVER continue to be involved with a man who tells me he's had sex with over 100 women, some of whom were strippers and prostitues. He's a fucking male-pig who has no deep or abiding respect for women. Later, I'll discover his favorite links on his computer are to various escort/prostitute services, Match.com, Americansingles.com, Sexswap.com and Bondage.com.

I will NEVER continue to be involved with a man whose own mother tells me "he's a narcissist who only thinks with his groin." She ought to know the truth and is warning me about him.

I will NEVER continue to be involved with a man who tells me he can no longer count on both hands the number of times he's gotten a woman pregnant in his lifetime. Because if I wind up pregnant, he won't take responsibility, and he'll talk me into having an abortion.

I will NEVER continue to be involved with a man who, the day after I just had a fucking D & E, breaks down crying because HE's going to have the WORST birthday of HIS half-centurion life! IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM!!!

I will NEVER continue to be involved with a man who really is NOT in touch with his soul, is NOT intellectually stimulating and only offers emotional support when it's convenient for him to do so.

And I will DEFINITELY get out before the sex gets lame...

I HATE YOU. NOW AND ALWAYS.

And if I once lied to you at the very end about spending 3 days in Las Vegas with a girlfriend AFTER I had to hear about your picking up on another woman at Monty's from a third party source, I DO NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR DECEPTION -- YOU FUCKING DESERVED IT AND MORE! Besides, a couple of weeks later, when I was out of town for my grandmother's funeral, you went to pick-up Padri's all by yourself on a Saturday night. Surely you didn't go there to hang out all by yourself? No, you wanted to take an easy piece of ass home with you. Too bad you ran into a friend of mine who saw you there. That's the only reason why you even told me you went there after I came back into town. So no, I don't feel bad about the Vegas trip...I later discovered that you had driven all the way to Acton to spend the night at your ex-girlfriend's trailer home SIX TIMES IN TWO MONTHS when I was with you almost all of the other 6 nights of the week. Furthermore, you also called your new Monty's pick-up woman 17 more times after I confronted you about her...Incidentally, I HAD A FANTASTIC TIME IN VEGAS!!!

Post D & E:
You said, "I'll call you tomorrow afternoon, and don't tell me not to because I'm going to anyway, just to make sure you're okay..." You never called.

You will never have the opportunity to take advantage of me or lie to me again! Let me state that again more vehemently: YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME OR LIE TO ME AGAIN!!!

So go find other women, or use the stockpile of them you've already fucked, to SCREW OVER...

Better yet, go put your pathetic, perverted, predatory, pathogenic, pernicious, pestilent, pediophile penis in purple Play-doh, PLEEEAAASSSSSEEEE! At least Play-doh can't get pregnant. Any baby of yours who comes into this world with even the slightest chance of being even remotely like you...should be killed before it has the chance.

In the end, shhhh....don't tell anyone...Here's the real reason I feel VERY GUILTY: I'm so goddamn fucking HAPPY that I had the D & E. Come on now, everyone join in...it's sing-a-long time..."If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands...CLAP! CLAP! If you're happy and you know it, clap you hands...CLAP! CLAP! If you're happy and you know it, then your face will really show it! :) If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!" THUNDEROUS applause to me and to you, but we have to stop singing now; it's nap time.

I HATE YOU. NOW AND ALWAYS.

GOOD-BYE FOREVER, MOTHER (you certainly aren't a father) FUCKER!!!

****

[To those of you who could see own lack of maturity and accountability in the relationship, you are more well than I.

To those of you who were entertained by this rant and rave, you are just as deranged and demented as I.

To those of you who want to meet my ex in order to have sex or get pot, you are more sick than I.

To those of you who can empathize with my view, LOVE AND PEACE.

To those of you who were disgusted and offended by the content of this rant, GET OUT OF THIS FORUM AND GO TO HELL...and play fucking patty-cake with my ex.]




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