A Typical Snow Day in Boston
1 Day before the storm: Forecasters are certain that the city of Boston will not receive any snow. Outside of 495 is fucked, but Boston, you’re in the clear.
6:30AM, day of the storm: Wake up to 4 inches of snow on the ground and snowflakes the size of saucers. If this had been anywhere other than Boston, I’m sure I would have been woken up at 5:00AM by the sound of sheet metal scraping against pavement, but here in Boston, we like to get our beauty rest. They don’t start plowing, sanding or salting until at least 10AM.
7:00AM: Turn on Fox25 news to get a weather update. Unfortunately all I get is an update on Theo Epstein and the Red Sox for the next 30 minutes.
7:30AM: Begin trek through the tundra to the bus stop. Apparently nobody in the city of Boston owns a shovel.
7:45AM: Finally reach the bus stop, only to find 10 other surly looking people already waiting there. Never a good sign.
8:15AM: Still waiting at the bus stop. The guy next to me is in a huff and continually checking his wrist every 5 minutes. Keep checking your watch dude, that will totally make the bus come faster.
8:35AM: I see a bus in the distance. Unfortunately, so does everyone else and so starts the slow migration towards to curb. Little miss pink North Face fleece, you’re not slick, I know you just got here 5 minutes ago and like hell you’re getting on this bus before me.
8:37AM: The bus blows right by. OUT OF SERVICE. Awesome.
9:02AM: I’m now late for work and still waiting at the bus stop for a mother f’ing 66 bus to come. Hmm…weird, the 64 bus across the way seems to be running on schedule and completely DEVOID of customers, you’d think that all it would take is a simple phone call to re-route a few of those buses my way.
9:08AM: A bus finally comes and I have to make love to the person in front of me just to get on the damn thing.
9:15AM: I am now sweating through my coat and will pass out in the next 5 minutes if I don’t take it off. Oh wait, I forgot, I can’t move my arms and legs. Good thing there are plenty of people around me to break my fall.
9:18AM: Some jackass next to me thinks it’s funny to yell out, “I’m so cold…why is it so cold in here, could somebody please turn up the heat.” Ok…so, maybe it was a little funny.
9:38AM: I finally reach my destination and opt out of my standard, “thank you” to the bus driver. Sorry buddy, not today. I know you’re the only one who decided not to call in sick, but someone has to catch my heat and unfortunately it is you.
9:38AM: I step off the bus and straight into a huge puddle a la Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.
9:43AM: I walk into the office only to find that I’m the last one in and the only one who looks like they just strolled through a carwash. WTF? Did it only snow on my street?
10:00AM – 4:30PM: Continually check Boston.com for a weather update. Flashing red still? Fuck.
4:45PM: Put on my coat which now smells like a wet dog and cut out early.
4:50PM: Catch the sauna, err, I mean bus home.
5:35PM: Come home to find my neighbors yelling at each other because so and so parked in THEIR parking spot which was so very clearly saved with a standard issue recycling bin. Hey moron…just because you spent 4 hours thing morning shoveling out your car doesn’t make you special. Did you ever stop to think that the person who is parked in “your” spot also spent 4 hours shoveling out their car too? It’s called a public street.
6:00PM: Turn on Fox25 News to hear more about Manny Ramirez/Johnny Damon/insert obnoxious overpaid athlete here. Don’t you just love this city?