Originally Posted: 2005-04-29 12:58am

favorite this post Re: re: I fucked a fatty post

YO okay so first of all I think that the OP's candor was very funny and accurate when addressing the way that people can get all flustered and absurd after a night or two of enjoyable sex. (I'm still not sure how the fact that she was fat and Chinese played into it, maybe just for effect or imagery, but whatever - it seems irrelevant when the real problem is the way people equate sex with love and feelings - especially good sex.) Anyway, I feel that. Everyone wants that "special someone" so badly that not only are we all generally inclined to settle for less than we deserve because it is convenient, but if we actually bang someone that rocks our world, women start picking baby names and men start talking about (dun-dun-dun) our "future together". Cool. And okay - you were the tall guy with the shots of Jack from Wonderland? The skinny blond chick who wants to be a journalist that drank Cosmos at Rhino (Gee that narrows it down)? Okay...so you're saying you're in love with me... and your name again was...? Exactly. You're like, dear god, I hope i didn't promise that nameless faceless a dinner date in my super 2am intoxication last Friday night. It's like, who the fuck are these people? I know, that seems sick that you can fuck someone and not know them, but it is even sicker to think that you can fall madly in love with them in one night when you're really just humping your random bodies against and in each other until you get off and pass out. Sharing your bed and having intimate conversations and babies and sparkles and cuddleswhateverthefucks are the polar fucking opposites of fucking your brains out or, conversely, having your brains fucked out. Intimacy has absolutely nothing to do with that biological urge we all get when we're partying and maybe see someone hot and someone hot sees us (or in this case, someone rotund and someone with fuzzy beer goggles and a frantic libido) - monogamy is just not natural for human beings, we all have such pervasive sexual desires - and so we're drunk, we're swaying next to someone with a great ass, we see that cab rolling up and it's, oh, you live near me? Oh, we both live near Dupont? Oh, that's only five blocks from my house LETS FUCK good night. We know the drill, DC. We know the drill. So why is it that both DC women AND MEN (I stress this) seem to confuse sex and everything else so frequently? Is pussy-assed-ness just in the water or something? We are the smartest (by way of higher education, at least) people in the country yet sometimes we act like melodramatic morons when it comes to something as primal and simple as sexual activity versus actual emotion. Distill it down to what it is kids - it's sex. After 25 dates and after laughing your ass off in millions of phone calls and over drinks and mini-trips to the mountains down the line, go ahead and fall in love and get married - that's something real. But, just like that dude pity fucked the fat chicky, you can all see he is not just an ass - he is just telling it like it is.

And, for all you wondering, here's my relevant experience: I have had three boyfriends in the past year and they have all sworn to be in love with me within two weeks of us dating. They were sexy, successful, and (all but one) very, very smart men. For some reason, they became smitten with me after a couple weeks - not a couple of weeks of getting to know each other. Au contraire - we spent the only time not standing at the bars rolling around naked in bed. Sure, there were drunken giggles mixed in with tons of awesome fucking, but it was all kissing and sex. Partly chemistry, mainly physical. Honestly, their one commonality was that they'd all been in long term relationships before meeting me, which would mean their sex life was eh-eh boring and a new young wild lover is fucking hot and passionate so the feeling is overwhelming.

Passion and infatuation can easily masquerade as true emotional connections and adoration, but that's just fucked. It's such nonsense; I had to dump all of them for the same reasons - they never got to know me, so when I turned out to be bitchier or more intense or crazy than they expected based on our drunken late night lovin of two or three months, we fought all the time because we finally acknowledged our lack of compatibility. Why? These little boys were so fascinated with my high sex drive and hot boobs that they didn't even try to forge an actual connection because the fascade was so gosh darn convincing. (To put it into the immortal words of, uh, who said this? I don't recall, maybe Snoop or Dre or Socrates or Dr. Phil: "you don't love me. You just love my doggystyle.")

What's funny is I know other girls that have had this same problem because it has happened to friends of mine on numerous occasions. (Notice: these silly men seem to be largely condensed in the Georgetown University area, so unless you want to be fallen in love with based on your ability to give phenomenal head ((practice=perfect, just for the record)), you should steer clear. Gtown men, if you want to dispute this, I welcome your posts with open arms.) I wasted SO much time in these relationships - time I could have spent meeting cool people I actually want to talk to. Oh well. At least I got a lot of ass. (Ha.)

This shit just happens - people are fucking affection starved and unfulfilled and desperate.

So, to the man who enjoyed chomping on his coworkers shrimp fried rice the other night, you are not alone. Thankfully you are one of the men who is brazenly an asshole and I would probably sleep with you if we met solely because I am so fucking sick of whiny little baby boys falling all over themselves just because I gave them a little poon. I want to find someone who loveslovesloves sex with me as much as I do with him (okay, a little bit more) but is into me because he likes me/I like him. If you only think someone is hot or you're horny, just have sex. Only mistake that OP made was he spent the night - girls and guys both think that this is some subliminal statement of future possibilities for nights at a B&B while the nanny watches your offspring. Again, ew. I don't care if you're tired, if she's pulling you in with the emo tracter beam GET OUT my god save yourself.

And to the doey-eyed girls out there who are just SOOOO in love with love so they fall for every guy they bang, you need to face up and get in the game, ladies. You make it bad for the rest of us who are trying to look past our shiny highlighted bangs to see You are the ones reading this post being like, what?! This girl is bitching about guys falling for her?! What a retarded retard bitch?!

If you feel this way, you obviously don't know where I'm coming from because you're a shitty lay and so no one wants you OR you're so oblivious that you get played like a fiddle by men and don't even know it (because you rationlize that he couldn't call because, you know, work is busy, yeah righT) - women, take the power back. Don't be so damn desperate.

Okay, time for sleep, I love a little CL honest rant before it. - holla.

post id: 70754563

best of [?]