Thank you, men of CL’s m4w. Thank you for creating ISOs that let me know, right from the title line in most cases, that you are not the guy for me. And here are my top ten criteria for Ads out the Airlock:
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10. Married men. Of course you need relationships too. Of course you can’t be expected to hang with the old hag at home. She cut you off years ago. Why? Because she knows you better than I do. If I got to know you, no doubt I’d cut you off too. Better to leave that sack of scum lying unanswered.
9. No drama/no baggage requirement for an adult female in the 21st century. Please. That’s as realistic as looking for a virgin at a beauty pageant. If you find one, you’ll find there’s a reason she’s the tabula rasa of your dreams. Granted, the Stepford wives fantasy never goes completely out of style, but that’s long been a marker for deep-seated inadequacy issues. You must feel like you’re not even man enough to be able to compete with her past. Bummer for you.
8. Has no discernable interests: movies, eating, staying in and going out. WTF? This is a buyer’s market if you happen to be a woman. The first rule of marketing is to set yourself apart from the competition. If your life truly is reduced to the paucity of sameness you describe, then I don’t want you. I’m looking for a partner, not a project.
7. Must love all the same activities/interests. What happened to vive la difference? If you really need someone to sit on the couch with you through football/b-ball/nascar season without reflective input (or to go biking, hiking, blading ad nauseum) then you don’t need a GF, you need a dog.
6. Ladies…. Anything from there on out is just screed. ‘Ladies’ is how a bad waiter addresses a table full of women. And given that most of the you who use the word in a M4W go on to list or imply a series of desired/required carnal acts that might cause fully employed porn stars to blush, I have to wonder what it is that you know about this word that I don’t.
5. ‘LOL’—is it that you’re embarrassed by what you wrote? Are you uncertain that others will be able to follow your broad (wink, wink) attempts at humor without signaling on your part? It reads like nervous giggling. Is that the first impression that you want to leave with the potential Poontang of your dreams?
4. HWP requirement from puffy guys. Your driver’s license says you’re 5’ 10”. You tell the World of CL that you’re 5’ 11”. As it turns out, you’re really only 5’ 9” in thick socks. In your favor, you really do weigh 190. You didn’t lie about your weight, as women seem to do. You lied about your height, and you probably aren’t consciously aware that you did so. But even if you are 6’ 2”, if you weigh 230-240 you’d better work out twice a day, or take your pay checks from the dockworkers union. Otherwise, your H and your W are not P. And don’t come to me with the ‘fact’ that your waist size hasn’t changed in _____ number of years. You’re wearing that waist so low now that you’re bringing back the heady days of the late eighties baggy look favored by clockers and adolescents.
3. BORED….Oh yeah. Boredom is almost (almost, mind you) as attractive as desperation. I’m not the future cruise director for your oh-so-unfulfilled life. I’m a person with interests, acquaintances and friends, hobbies, vocations and more. I don’t even have time to watch TV. What is it that others find attractive about boredom? Please don’t tell me, it might be boring.
2. Reposting the same, tired and (evidently) unsuccessful ad over and over again. Are you hoping that the chick who is petite and a freak in the sheets is logged on and trolling the lists for the middle-aged, balding, bad-credit, married guy of her dreams at last? Afraid she may have missed that unremarkable ad the first thirty times you posted it? Even if you occasionally slap a new title line on that ad, the body is distinctly the same, and as unappealing as ever. Would it hurt you to use/develop some imagination in your quest for lasting (or just powerful) hook-up?
1. Money for dating. There’s a single word to cover that particular commodity exchange. It belongs over in commercial services, for one thing. It’s like those ads where in M4M some one’s looking for a STR8 guy to give/get a blow job. By definition, that STR8 guy isn’t, or he wouldn’t be cruising CE or M4M looking for that diversion. And women who answer ads from men seeking paid companionship are professionals of some kind, even if they’re new to exchanging fleshly contact for cash.