I often find myself reading these missed connections and feel sorry for people who lack the nerve to go up and talk to that special person, but tonight I’m finding myself in exactly that same situation. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I’m actually doing pretty well on my own again since the breakup (that’s a long story, and it’s not really pertinent to this connection anyways). But there is just something about you that makes me feel like a jittery, awkward schoolboy getting ready to take the longshot and ask a crush to the Christmas Dance.
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So anyway I’ve been seeing you at the dog park on and off again all summer. I bring my dog Petey so he can be off-lead and hopefully learn some social skills. He’s an old, mangey-looking Schnauzer mix who pre-dated my last relationship, that’s the only reason I got to keep him after she left. That and she never really liked him anyway.
I’m not sure what your dog’s name is, but she looks like a white poodle mix. She has long-ish hair, but not in the typical poodle cut. Anyway, she’s a beautiful dog and apparently Petey thinks so too, because every time he sees her he starts humping her until I put him back on his leash and drag him away.
Of course he’s been fixed, but that doesn’t seem to stop him. He’ll hump her sideways, then turn around and hump her face for awhile and then finally get behind her and hump her doggy-style. It’s really embarrassing, and perhaps that’s why I find myself too nervous to actually approach you.
He’s been a little bit willful his whole life. I swear, sometimes I just wish he’d get doggie cancer and move on. He’s 16, his face and beard are streaked with yellow stains running from the corners of his eyes and down his chin. He growls all the time, bites children, family members, he even bites me if I get between him and his dinner. It’s a good thing he’s so scruffy, ugly and warty that people don’t want to pet him. If they did I’d constantly be worried about lawsuits.
Sometimes I think he does things like this intentionally. Just to get between me and true happiness and closure. Anyway. If you read this please feel free to drop me a line. I’m the one who’s dog is humping your dog.
- Location: Blacksburg
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