Dear Booty Call:
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We have an animal attraction. If I happen to want some good sex, I'll call you. Sometimes you're free, sometimes not. Sometimes you call me. Sometimes I'm free, sometimes I'm not. You are good in bed; we are good in bed together. The only irritating thing in this otherwise perfect arrangement is that big fat ego of yours. While you have made it clear that you do not want a relationship, you reeeeealllly don't seem to buy the fact that I'm not emotionally attached to you. You are puzzled that I don't call you more often, and even more shocked when I don't want to spend the whole night together. Get over it. A few reasons why this is:
1. I CONSIDER YOU A PIECE OF MEAT. Know how you just want to fuck? Yep, that's right...I just want to fuck too. I know you think you are god's gift and the smartest person alive, but you are not. The bonus of a booty call? Less talking. More fucking.
2. Personally, I don't really like you. You aren't that interesting, or very nice. You are good looking and have good *assets*. Perfect for what I need you for. Done deal.
2. I like my space. I like it better with only me in it.
3. My bed is fucking awesome, and I don't like to share. Especially with someone who snores, steals the covers, and sweats profusely. Don't get me wrong - a little sleep sweat is fine. Enough sweat to cover us both AND make me think you pissed on the sheets? Not acceptable. Please exit the premises when activities have come to a full and complete stop.
FYI - If I wanted a relationship, I would stop sleeping with you and find someone I can actually tolerate outside of the bedroom.
Your fuck buddy