A gentlemanly challenge to those who seek the heart of the red-haired librarian
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Good day. Recently it seems that the Craigslist “missed connections” section has been a flurry of activity with requests for a meeting with a red headed librarian who works at the Himmel location. On two occasions, this lovely lady has been mentioned in this section. I have some bad news for you: she is taken, and she is also monogamous. To some, this may be disheartening. However, due to the high demand for her, and in the interest of fairness, I will issue a challenge.
Yes, a duel. You pick the weapons. I pick the time.
Some things to consider:
Hurdles on the path to her heart-
1) I am a fairly large individual with the ability to wrestle and defeat 14-17 eight year-olds at the same time.
2) I grew up on a farm and watched my stepfather shoot guns at cans and rabbits on many occasions. I am confident I have his natural talent. If you choose guns for the challenge, upon learning to operate one, I will be a feared marksman. I also watched my stepfather brand many cattle. That also may come into play.
3) I have watched many movies. I am very familiar with the combat tactics used by everyone from Sigourney Weaver to Ivan Drago. My heaviest influence, however, would have to be Will Smith in “Independence Day” (ID4). Another heavy influence would be Owen Wilson in “Black Hawk Down”. Please don’t pick knives because I have an aversion to them because of “Saving Private Ryan”. You remember that part where the guy asks the German guy to stop and the knife slowly plunges into his chest? Yeah, no thanks. I have also been watching a lot of the television series “Dexter”. As you can see, my abilities run the gamut. I also like Freaks and Geeks.
These are just a few things to ponder if you seek the red headed librarian.
Conversely, here are the benefits to winning her heart-
1) Delicious meals prepared for you anywhere from 0-5 times a week.
2) A thoughtful, confident individual who knows more than you.
3) A mind-blowing experience in the bedroom.
4) A constantly cheery disposition.
5) Really fun to play hacky sack with.
That’s not all. There’s plenty more to list. Those are just my favorite. I’m sure you’ll find some too if you defeat me.
Anyways, just let me know.
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