well aren't you enticing? you're so MASCULINE, aren't you? you have a HUGE...truck. it's a gigantic lifted monument to your virility that would put all other trucks to shame. and when you're five feet above everyone else, you're pretty much safe from collisions so you didn't bother to learn how to drive. which is probably why, in an effort to get my attention (me in my little gray four door sedan with stock tires), you turned right in front of me.
QR Code Link to This Post
now, i really must admire your thundering testament to testosterone. because if your giant monolith of a truck hadn't been so darned enormous, i don't think i ever would have seen it. so thank you for driving on tires the size of small houses. if it hadn't been for those, i never would have seen you turn in front of me while i was going 50 miles an hour westbound on saint mary's.
i'll bet that the tires aren't the only *big* things in that truck. i'd wager that the gas pedal is damned near impossible to push down on account of it being so incredibly massive. that would explain why, after turning in front of me, you slowly but surely accelerated to 35 miles an hour and stayed there. but hey, what drivers need to speed past when *you're* there to look at? so just like you wanted, i slammed on my brakes to match your snail's pace and got a nice long look at your lucious tailgate.
this missed connection that i lament was between your bumper and the hood of my car--and the cop that surely would have come to give me a ticket. how romantic that would have been; seeing my car all crumpled and smoking, your rear bumper would probably not have a scratch on it, and the cop would dutifully hand me a citation for "failure to maintain the distance between my vehicle and that of the one in front of me." and we mustn't forget the missed connection between my insurance company and yours. doubtless i would have caused you chronic whiplash, back pain, emotional distress, and the inconvenience of being late to no where. and myself and the tow truck....AND between myself and considerable debt...
well, sir, i don't know how our lives would have been different if we had met. maybe i would have found out if your truck's colossal size was compensating for something or not. it's just so enticing to fantasize about! please, if you're reading this, meet me again out there on the road somewhere. i know you may not recognize me so just do your best to turn in front of someone everytime you get the chance and maybe, just maybe, it'll actually be me again. i'll be sure and ignore my brakes and thrust right into your backside ever so coquettishly. i'm sluch a flirt! or maybe i'll just lay on the horn to get your attention. i do so love playing hard to get!