I am a young idealistic man seeking an older lady, smart, gorgeous, blonde, someone who is the Member of Parliament for Newmarket, ON, the kind of woman that is the former CEO of Magna, Inc. Being Belinda Stronach a definite PLUS. If this sounds like you, drop me a line, I think we could have a great friendship, maybe more.
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I am a handsome, intelligent, lefty fellow, a thinker. A feeler. I really feel things sometimes, I think.
We could go for coffee, talk politics, if that's your thing (and it is, but I mean, maybe not over coffee, maybe you just want to talk about opera or Veronica Mars, I can do that too. I'm diverse.), or listen to a live jazz trio, or have a snowball fight in Nathan Phillips Square, and laugh and enjoy the pleasantly awkward silence. I'd totally buy hot chocolate for your security detail, and take the time to learn their names.
And if we were walking together down some Yorkville street on our way to some lovely little place and we ran smack into Peter McKay coming the other way, I would be a gentleman. I would keep the conversation flowing, I would charmingly reduce this potentially disastrous situation to a level of respectable tolerability. That's the kind of guy I am.
And if he started to cry--which I sense could be likely, given all he's had, and then lost--if the tears came, then yes, I'd hug him, and buy him a muffin, while you made a break for it. We could meet somewhere later. I'm in no rush. And that's the worst case scenario. Think about it.
If there are women out there thinking of responding to this ad who are not Belinda Stronach, PLEASE DON'T. I'm sure you're wonderful, and beautiful and intelligent, you may even be a Member of Parliament and/or a CEO, and more power to you. But ultimately, that is not what I'm interested in.
What I'm interested in--ALL I'm interested in--is coffee with Belinda Stronach, at a cafe of your choice (though nothing too pricey--I'm unemployed), and we can take it from there. If the Honourable Ms. Stronach would do me the honour, I would be forever grateful.
Till that magic day...