Originally Posted: 2005-07-03 8:40pm
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favorite this post Laughing so hard! hide this posting unhide

Ok, guys. I need some help. I have posted a handful of times, and gotten some REALLY cool replies. I posted a few months ago, and met a WONDERFUL guy, who just flaked out when his ex reappeared. He was awesome, and I am so glad I got to meet him, but I am not sitting around waiting for him to choose.

But here's my issue. I seem to get a lot of responses from guys on CL that range from unintelligible to dumb to just plain scary. I have posted some below. I am posting them for several reasons. First, if you don't see the humor in them, you don't understand what makes me laugh, and as such, probably should not reply.

What DO I want? I want a laid-back dude who finds humor in most every situation. Job not important. Looks not even that important. Height would be good. A quick mind and a deep-seated hatred/distrust of circus clowns are pretty much the only requirements that I have. (That way we will have at least one thing to talk about) Oh, and you have to be able to kill spiders and can NOT fuck around and chase me around the house with them. I am NOT kidding.

I'm a law student and I am half-Jew, half-Christian. I am 5'10. I wear heels whenever I can. I have 2 eyes. Long hair.

I am not promising stability, but I am promising I am off my rocker in a good way, and I promise the ride will be fantastic.

If nothing else, let me know if I made you smile.

Good luck!

BAD Responses from last time around....

i'm 6'4' and 205lbs, very athletic, and i'll send you my face if you ask?
(You'll send me your face? What, are you, Hannibal? Jeez. What if I want to know how big your dick is?)

I entertain thoughts of leading a public insurrection against big media and freeing a population robbed of its free will by corporate marketing.
(I smoke pot, man.)

I am single; otherwise, I wouldn't reply your ad. :)
(You HAVE to be new at this….)

I've got a mowhawk now [a small one, not a big honking one,]
(It’s not the size of the Mohawk, it’s the fact that you have one, period. Would you date a woman with a SMALL mustache?)

You might want me to spend 25 minutes with my face buried in your pubes sometime in the near future.
(One - ew. Two - How did you arrive at that precise number?)

…appreciating deeply opening up to spirit and surrendering as much as calling It down into and expressing the Divine through the mind in conversation, or the body in sexual exploration…
(I think this is the guy you fuck just to shut him up.)

On the wings of pot my body hums with pleasure, I take wing, I for once become incredibly intuitive, psychic some have said, feel the goodness of creation and …oh so predictably… want to express that by f--king all day.
(this is why the stuff was made illegal. If we could just shut people like him up, pot would be legalized.)

A tush, a bush, and a brain
(oh my!)

And I would thing my English is at least in the top 30% in America.
(thing again.)

i am a very nice person and if you would like to chat then lets chat email me and lets see where it leads from there hope to hear back from you soon i do have a pic if you respond and i know that this is real.
(runonsentence runonsentence runonsentence)

do you ever wear pigtails! Something about pigtails that is soooo sexy!...I'm
a currently a teacher ......
(Get....this man away from KIDS!)

I saw your ad.

i saw your ad on craigslist. And I decided to send mail you.
(Double DUH)

Well, I guess I should be going now as I hope I haven't bored you by now. I also don't want to write to much because I might not even get a reply from you and I'd look like a fool telling you everything and not getting a reply back right but hopefully you would consider becoming friends and getting to know each other. If not then its not a problem. I'm an understanding person. So I'll end here for now and hope to hear back from you.
(I think this is another guy you fuck just to shut him up)

I believe that honesty and sharing ideas.
(What? WHAT? This is taking “a man of few words” too far!)

And now…I am going to poke fun at those men who can’t be bothered to use their spell-check, but then have the chutzpah to get whiny when nobody responds to their ads. Really, guys, it can be the literary version of an unzipped fly. It only takes one second. Yes, I know I am a mean, evil, vile bitch for daring to be so fussy as to look at spelling. I shall rot in hell, and I am not worthy of your attention. There, I said it myself, can we skip the hate mail?

YOU are intelligient, sophisticated, happy and interesting.

Clearly, you are an very intelligent woman.
(and you are …an… very intelligent man.)

I'm inteligent, can carry on a conversation, polite and good company.
(This makes three.)

I am just looking for a nice intelectual woman for a LTR.
(spell intellectual…)

well lets see here….i have a job(electricion)
(when people cannot spell their career choice, I get perturbed)

I work for an asset mangement company as an aynalist
(yet you cannot even spell your position.)

I am a young entreprenuer with his Recording Label, I'm working on a hair saloon, and a
local hip hop magazine.
(You misspelled Entrepreneur. And with all that going, why do you work in a hair, uh, saloon?)

Im 23 and just graduated with my batchelors in Chemistry
(4 years (at least) of college, and he can’t spell Bachelor’s.)

I work in a pharmachy,
(I HOPE you don’t fill prescriptions.)

Have 2 college dregrees!

I'm a colloge student, so stay pretty busy.

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