According to the latest cl buzz, you may be deficient in character.
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· Make promises to pick-up used “love”seats, “second-hand” porn or a “catcher’s” mitt from posters on barter/swap/free but fail to follow through on the pick-up?
· Send pics of your dick to women seeking sensitive men for long walks on the beach?
· Post for free advice on ridding yourself of crabs caught from your latest casual encounters tryst but fail to send the perfunctory “thank you for the RidXXX recommendation-it burns soooooooooooooo good” message?
If so, you may qualify for enrollment in my new character-building workshop. Yes sir, I will transform you from your present state of slack-jawed yokelness to that of integrity, punctuality and thoughtful sincerity.
“How?” you may ask, through tried and true methods used by successful parents and Marine Corp Drill Sergeants throughout the years. Growing up, how often did you hear that taking out the trash or giving the cat a bath would build your character? Well, obviously you didn’t hear it enough! But I am here to tell you that scrubbing my dishes into a state of spotlessness will take you one step closer to responsibility and enlightenment.
Other “enlightenments” may include garbage disposal polishing, vegetable crisper sludge removal and the requisite cookie sheet rust removal. Upon successful completion of liberating my beige carpet from canine urine stains, you will have the opportunity to handcraft your very own certificate of completion until you get it right. (However, T-shirt availability contingent upon enrollment in my daycare/after-school program.)
All applicants must complete the following:
· Send $49.99 plus tax
· Provide a doctor’s note approving heavy lifting of 50lb bags of dog food from the back of my car to the kitchen
· Bring your own toothbrush for grout and tile work
And men! Look for my other classes: “How to be my bitch”, “Because I said so!" and “Why the fuck don’t you know how to hit my G-spot dumbass?”.