I have met the following 15 men through Craigslist. Each one has taught me something and for that I am sure I am a better person.
1) The software engineer from New York.
I think it's funny that your girlfriend found out you cheated on her with me. I also think it's funny that someone as smart as you is stuck with someone stupid enough to put up with a partner who cheats. You two deserve each other. Here's to many more bouts of you cheating on her because she bores you intellectually, her finding out you cheated and her staying with you. Thanks for teaching me that some people really do deserve each other!
2) The documentary filmmaker.
I really would have liked to have known that you were married before I slept with you. In retrospect, your loft was pretty sparse to be considered a home. I should have known it was your "work space" and that you were hiding something. Thanks for teaching me to be highly suspicious of everyone.
3) The environmental lawyer.
It would have worked out better for you and I had you sent me photos of you instead of photos of your brother. Yes, you do look somewhat alike but that doesn't mean you can use his photos as your own. Thanks for teaching me that people will lie about anything.
4) The "Senior Level Marketing Executive".
It would have worked out better had you sent me a photo of yourself or at least of someone who looked somewhat like you. What did you think would happen when I showed up and you looked nothing like the photo that you had sent me? Thanks for teaching me that I need to trust my instincts - I knew that I didn't want to go out with someone who called himself a "Senior Level Marketing Executive" and I should have listened to myself!
5) The recently divorced older guy.
You were a lot of fun. A lot of fun. The sex was amazing and if I were you I'd embrace being 45, too. Thanks for teaching me that a one night stand can be really fantastic.
6) The guy who had the ashes of various family members stored in different prominent places around his home.
This is not a line you want to use on a girl in an attempt to get her to come back to your place. Really. No girl is going to want to say hello to your dead father at 2:00am on a Saturday and no girl is going to want to sleep with you after this. Thank you for teaching me that there are, in fact, things that a really hot guy can say to get me to not want to sleep with him!
7) The "indie" film director.
When you call yourself an "indie film director" you should expect people to ask what films you've directed. It's not "spying", it's not "prying". I was just trying to make polite conversation. Thanks for teaching me that asking just a few simple questions will expose a bad liar.
8) The bi-polar guy.
You seemed so honest. You admitted right from the get go that you were bi-polar. I liked that you were upfront about this and I thought that when you said you were medicated that I could deal with it. You forgot, however, in your spurt of honesty, to mention that you only took the medication on the weekends. Thanks for teaching me that I need to ask people how many days of the week I can expect them to act rationally.
9) The French bartender.
I loved your accent and the way you said my name. I didn't love the strange stuffed animals (were they monkeys?) you kept all over your apartment. Thank you for teaching me that, oh hell, I don't know what you taught me. Stuffed animals scattered everywhere in a grown man's apartment are just weird.
10) The photographer.
You of all people should know the importance of an accurate photo. You can't send someone a photo of yourself from when you weighed 60 - 70 pounds less and not expect them to notice. Yes, sending an old, outdated photo is the same as lying and no, I am not superficial. Thank you for teaching me that insecure men just aren't worth the time.
11) The non-profit webmaster. (Also known as the worst date, ever!)
My list of complaints about you is staggeringly long considering the fact that I spent as little time as I could with you. The highlight had to be when you ate more than half of my dinner (without asking) and then asked me to pay for my dinner (had I eaten any of it, I wouldn't have minded paying!) Thank you for teaching me that some men are just appalling.
12) The investment banker.
Sex isn't rocket science. When you invite a girl over after your fourth date and it's 1:00am, if she says yes, odds are she wants to sleep with you. There is no excuse for not having a condom in this situation. Thanks for teaching me that I should always have a back-up plan (and batteries for my vibrator!)
13) The teacher.
You get the grand prize for deception. I never once thought you were lying to me. I never saw the end coming. I really believed every single lie you told me. Thank you for teaching me I can't trust my instincts as much as I thought I could.
14) The lawyer.
Married. With kids. Of course you are. Unfortunately, you weren't as careful as you should have been and I know your real name. With one phone call I could seriously mess up your life. Thank you for teaching me that I like having power over people who have lied to me (even if I am too nice to actually use that power).
15) The therapist.
You are the best sex I have had in a long time. If you stop asking me how I feel and what I am thinking, I think we'll be able to continue having great sex for the foreseeable future. Thank you for teaching me that having no expectations can lead to amazing experiences.